Part 39: 5 Weeks on Mother's Day

Sunday, May 13, 2012:  my first Mother's Day.  No, I didn't have an actual baby to hold and snuggle, but there was one growing inside me.  As unreal as it still felt, this was the closest I'd ever been to becoming a mom.  It was an emotional day.  We had decided we would tell our parents that day.  We knew we wouldn't be able to wait long, even if we wanted to.  After all, they'd been a part of the entire IVF process:  doing stabbing duty, driving me to appointments, staying with me after procedures, checking in on how I was feeling. 

My parents live out of state, so I'd waited as long as possible to mail my mom's cards, one of which was for "Nana."  I mailed them on Wednesday, after the first two BFPs.  And just to be sure, I'd taken another test at home before dropping them in the mail:

My first, and only, BFP home pregnancy test!

About 7:15 Sunday morning, my dad texted me to say that they'd opened the cards.  He used a lot of exclamation points.  Both he and Mom were very excited.  I had signed the Nana card from "Baby Flash."  Paul and I had decided to call the embryo/baby "Flash" in honor of transfer day, when the tech told us to "watch for the flash" across the screen when the embryo was injected.  Dad thought that was pretty funny.  

That evening we went to dinner with my in-laws.  For my MIL, we'd gotten a Grandma card.  They were likewise very happy.  No one was entirely surprised though.  IVF makes it hard to surprise anyone, unless you keep the entire thing a secret.  Looking back, it might have been my preference initially to keep it all a secret, especially because there were no guarantees.  But in reality, there was just no way to do it all on our own.

All in all, it was a good day.  I was finally feeling better, post-OHSS.  We'd gotten good news and were able to share that news with our parents.  A small part of me, however, was nervous.  I still couldn't use the P word.  I was glad that my hormone levels were progressing as expected, but was very aware that we had a long ways to go before being "out of the woods."  It was a reserved sort of happiness.  As one of my friends (who has a long and tumultuous history with IF) said to me shortly before we began canceled IVF cycle #1:

  

"Never lose hope, but always be cautiously hopeful."