Keto Day 1 - Enough is Enough

Today we (my husband* and I) embarked on a 4 week keto diet plan. The * is because P works 24 hours shifts, and his on-shift meals are sometimes unpredictable and not fully under his control, so we'll see how it goes for him on those days...

Why are we doing this? Well, I'm doing it because I'm tired of feeling blah about my weight/health. He's doing it because I told him we're doing it... haha. I'm kidding. Mostly... But in all seriousness, I am now nearly 16 months post-partum from baby #2. With both kiddos I experienced similar weight changes. I gained 30-35 pounds during pregnancy, promptly lost 20 or so pounds in the first couple of weeks post-partum, and then gradually saw the scale creep back up in the months that followed. Everyone 'says' that breastfeeding helps you lose weight because you burn more calories, etc. However that isn't actually true for everyone, and it wasn't true for me.

With N I stopped nursing at the 1 year mark, having gained back nearly 2/3 of my final pregnancy weight in his first year of life. With moderate exercise and calorie-counting (I got a Fitbit and linked it to MFP), I was able to lose the weight over a period of about 6 months. I hit my lowest weight just over 150 pounds the summer before I got pregnant with C. At the start of that pregnancy (despite all the months of hormones, 1 miscarriage, and 3 FETs) I was around 160. I actually looked - and felt - pretty great, and was determined to stay on track with weight gain throughout the pregnancy.

After C was born, I was able to drop the weight fairly quickly again in the first month. It was nice out and we went for lots of long walks while I was on maternity leave. C was a very different baby than N had been, in many ways. She slept less and didn't really follow as much of a schedule as he had. Breastfeeding was also more difficult with her - I experienced more issues with supply and it was overall more painful for longer. As I was going back to work, she hit what we suspected was the dreaded four-month sleep-regression. Except that it didn't end... She went from being an 'okay' sleeper to being up every 45 minutes all night long for WEEKS. It wasn't until her 6 month check-up that she was FINALLY diagnosed with reflux and put on prescription zantac.

During those sleep-deprived months leading into the holiday season, I ate my way through the stress. When my supply dipped as she started solid food and I became increasingly worried about pumping enough each day, I turned to food for comfort. Not healthy choices, mind you.. pastries, lattes, a glass of wine here and there, LOTS of cheese. Breastfeeding got even worse around month 8 when she had influenza and bit me - HARD - one one side. The pain was excruciating. That side never fully healed, even once I stopped nursing from it and switched to just pumping. My supply decreased even more, which raised my stress more, which impacted supply, which led to more stress-eating... and so on. It was an unfortunate cycle.

And speaking of cycles, my period came back much earlier after C. More hormones, more stress, less and less milk production. She bit me again on the healthy side at around 10 months and I realized I had had enough. It wasn't worth the amount of stress and guilt I was feeling, and she was clearly ready to move on as well. With the blessing of our pediatrician, we switched over to dairy milk and never looked back (she was also already eating table food at that point).

I tried introducing exercise again but it was difficult to find the time. With 2 kiddos, someone always seemed to need SOMETHING. And after so many months of little or no sleep, I found it impossible to get out of bed even 5 minutes before they did. I tried logging my food again using different apps, but over this past summer there were so many social events, vacations, and dinners-out that I struggled with accuracy. I would drop 5 pounds or so and then it would come back, over and over. I tried protein shakes which did help with muscle tone (at least my arms looked better), but I struggled with afternoon sugar-cravings and indulging in a glass of wine with dinner on a regular basis.

So here we are. C will be 16 months a week from now. As of Sunday when I last weighed myself, I'm at 182 and wearing a size 10-12. My arms look decent, but everywhere else feels pudgy and squishy. I often go through multiple outfits in the morning trying to find something that a) fits, b) doesn't make me look pregnant AGAIN, and c) isn't a tent. I feel sluggish and frustrated. Enough is enough.

I am not a big fan of 'diet's in general, especially so-called fad diets. That being said, I need something to kickstart the weight loss. If I can drop some pounds and/or start seeing some improvement in energy levels, then that momentum will help it keep going. I also realize that at this stage in my metabolic life, the things that used to work aren't working as well - if at all. I need to do something different.

I have friends in a similar stage of life who have had good success following a keto plan. I realize that like anything, consistency is key and a diet is not a quick fix. I also need to work on things like being more active as well as following a sleep schedule. And I want to do those things. The issue I'm facing is that trying to do all of them at once is overwhelming. As is the fear of failure. So... baby steps.

Today was Day 1 of our eating plan. Thoughts so far:

1. Pre-designed plans that spell out all the recipes for every meal/snack each day of the month are great if you want to spend less time researching on your own and just get going. 
2. Cravings don't go away the first day - haha.
3. Grocery shopping for just one week was intense... and EXPENSIVE. 
4. Meal prep x 3 meals a day takes time and requires a lot of planning. 
5. Lunch during the week will be my hardest meal. So. Many. Temptations. But also, doing prep the night before or morning of (while also wrangling kiddos) is time-consuming.
6. It IS kind of nice not having to make decisions. What should I eat next? Well let's see... the meal plan says broccoli-beef!
7. I'm kind of proud that I made it a whole day and didn't cave in to any cravings:)

Now What?

It is over. I started bleeding (finally) last Friday and went in for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound on Monday. My HCG was completely negative by then. It is finished. I feel... empty. And bruised. For whatever reason, this time around, I bruised a lot. Bruises on my hands and arms from all the blood draws. Bruises on my derriere from the PIO shots. I'm not usually prone to bruising from needles, so this is unusual. It's like I literally took a beating with this cycle, both mentally and physically.

So what next? I'm back on the pill again and will see Dr. B in a few weeks (April 6, to be exact). They could have gotten me in to see her next Wednesday, but I'll be on my way home from a much-needed girls' getaway with my BFF. Right now I'm at my parents' house. P has back-to-back classes all month and so I flew out here with N on Tuesday. I'm working remotely while my mom helps with N, and then he will stay here when I leave for my trip on Saturday. It's definitely been therapeutic being here, although I haven't told my parents anything and probably won't any time soon. It feels too fresh still. And besides, they've had kind of a rough year what with the drama of trying to sell their old house in Maine and dealing with some major career disappointment for my Dad. I don't really want to add to the negativity.

As far as what we'll do next, we'll have to see what Dr. B says. Right now I think I'd be up for one more cycle before taking a break, provided we can fit it in (betas and all) before my birthday in the beginning of June. I don't really want to ruin my birthday with another failed cycle, or worse another "chemical pregnancy" or miscarriage or whatever. If we can't do one within that time frame, then we may be looking at end of June for a transfer. We'll be heading to Colorado for the big family reunion/vacation the end of July, so again I would want to be done with whatever cycle before leaving for that trip.

I don't know what Dr. B will recommend, but I'm prepared to say no to transferring more than one embryo still. I just don't think that's necessarily the answer for us yet. I'm also still opposed to genetic testing of the remaining embryos. I guess I feel strongly that they deserve whatever chance we can give them. I am, however, curious about the possibility of an un-medicated cycle. I'm not really sure how that works or if it's something they would even consider for me, but I do feel like I'm struggling with the side effects of a medicated cycle. And to a degree, I feel like that's adding stress, which I don't think is healthy. I'd like to at least discuss the possibility with her on April 6.

Meanwhile... I'm starting a new nutritional program in the hopes of trying to heal myself physically from the cycling. The wife of one of my childhood friends is an associate with the company that sells it, and she just happened to reach out to me last week to see if I would be interested. Oddly enough, P and I had discussed looking into it before I started this last cycle. He would like to lose some weight and I would like to feel better about myself again. I haven't stepped on a scale in over 2 months, but I suspect the hormones haven't been friendly to me. While it isn't strictly for weight loss, that is one of the benefits of this particular program, along with improved energy and increased immunity, both of which I could use. I don't really know if this will work for us or not, but it will give me something else to focus on for a little while. And if I do - by some miracle - wind up pregnant by this summer, the good news is it's safe to continue during pregnancy too.

So that's about all for now. One more full day of lounging around my parents' house in my sweatpants with no make-up, eating pastries and other homemade dishes that my mom whips up. Then I'm headed to sunshine and warm weather. Looking forward to a few days of snoozing by the pool and mimosas for breakfast with the BFF. Although we planned this trip months ago, the timing couldn't be better. I need this.

157.2

I know it's been a while since I posted on it and I'm WAY overdue for an update on all my mini-goals, but for now I just want to say... I am OFFICIALLY 3.5(ish) pounds UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight (not pre-fertility treatments weight, but I'll take it!).

Seriously. I'm kind of amazed. I've lost just over 20 pounds since I started getting serious about it in February. I honestly didn't think I would be this far already. I mean, I haven't seen the 150s since April 2012! At this rate, I feel like I might even dip into the 140s by the end of 2014 (140 is sort of my "ideal" goal weight).

Even better than the number on the scale is the fact that people are NOTICING. I've been getting 1-2 comments a week lately (from different people... not the same person repeatedly) and it is such a mood booster. Not only that, but I am fitting into sizes and clothing I haven't looked at in over 2 years. I'm down 2 full pant sizes (and nearly ready to drop a 3rd) since February. Shirts that I was kind of nervous about being too tight for work are now starting to be too loose. I actually need to go shopping for some stuff that fits (I gave away a lot of things to Goodwill thinking it would be years - if ever - before I would fit into any of it again... oops!).

Looking back, I attribute my progress to 3 key things:

1. Calorie-counting. Yup. I hate to admit it, but that was really the turning point. After years of resisting that method of portion control, I finally gave it a try and realized I was way off base in my "estimations" of portion and serving size. I actually haven't been tracking calories all that much lately (in MFP that is) but I think it's served it's purpose, which was to re-train my brain to pay more attention to that stuff to begin with.
2. Beach Body programs. My husband and I had been doing one of them on and off for a couple of months and liked it, but found the workouts way too long. If we didn't have time for a full-length one, we just wouldn't do any. Now we've switched to a different program that has much shorter workouts. I love it. It's challenging and some of the workouts are pretty intense, but the overall idea feels much more manageable.
3. My Fitbit. I love it. I've become so much more aware of how active I am from day to day, which has really helped me make adjustments to my calorie intake as needed. 

As I said, I'm overdue for a much longer update, but I just weighed myself and was so excited I had to post about it!

I'm Totally Obsessed With...

My Fitbit.

Yes, I know. I'm kind of late to the party on this. They've been around how long? I won't lie - up until about 6 months ago I had no idea what it was. I had maybe kinda sorta heard of it and knew generally what it did, but I never paid any attention.

And then I started on this whole goal-setting venture, which includes weight loss and living a more active lifestyle. So I got the MFP app to start tracking calories. And I started trying to find more ways to introduce "activity" into my days. After all, I work a desk-type job and spend at least 2 hours a day commuting 3 days a week. So I'd squeeze in a workout DVD here or a walk there. And the number on the scale started to (slowly) decrease. Suddenly my post-pregnancy clothes were fitting a bit loosely, so I dug out some pre-pregnancy stuff and some of it actually fit! And then more of it started to fit... And the number on the scale kept on creeping downward. Then I was tricked into wound up registering for a 5K with my best friend B and had to actually commit to training for it (I hate running). But somehow, I did the training and we ran the 5K (in 32 minutes) and I realized I didn't hate the pictures I posted of us on FB.

And then I got a Fitbit for my birthday. Well actually, I asked for one (several times) and eventually my hubby got the "hint" and ordered me one :) I had done my research and talked with several people who have one (or some similar device) and I was curious. I know what a good workout feels like, but I was having a hard time gauging my daily activity level. I also wasn't sure how much that varied depending on whether it was a work-from-home vs. commute-to-the-city day vs. the weekend.

I've been using it for just over a week now and I'm totally hooked. The competitor in me is eager to hit my goals for the day (the more goals I hit the better). I love the feedback it gives (now I know better what it feels like when I'm hitting the "very active" zone). It's also given me the extra push I need to make just a little more effort each day to be slightly more active (for instance, I'm now taking the stars in my parking garage at work). And even more importantly, it's so easy to use! I'm surprised actually. I'm not the most techy person, but I managed to get it set up and synced with both my home laptop AND my smartphone (including my MFP app). And lastly, the sleep tracking feature on it is pretty fun. I think sleep studies are fascinating and I like seeing what my "pattern" looks like each night. I also think I need to start using the sleep log part of it to get myself back on track with going to bed and getting up at a consistent time (you know, now that I'm done with middle-of-the-night nursing and other infant-related sleep issues!).

Anyway, I didn't exactly mean for this to sound like a commercial for Fitbit, but I really just had to share how much I'm loving it. I hope to see more positive results the longer I use it, so stay tuned...

For now, I will close with this:

Chasing this crazy kiddo around is a surefire way to make me hit my steps goal for the day! He never steps moving - I wonder how many steps he takes in a day? 



I Wore a Bikini to the Beach... And I Ran a 5K

Just to clarify, I did not wear a bikini while running a 5K on the beach... those were two separate events. I just am really proud/happy of both recent accomplishments and I couldn't come up with a better title for this post!

So where to start? Life has been out-of-control crazy the past couple of months. I've managed a quick post here and there, but haven't really had the time or energy to go into detail. I don't really like to dwell on negative things, so I won't get into all the nitty-gritty right now. But here are the highlights (or maybe they would be low-lights?):

• We have to do some sort of home renovations this summer because we have to replace our roof (this is not optional - we cannot put it off any longer). The roof project is also tied to a couple of other things that are on either the "needs to be done" or "would really, really like to be done" list, so the whole thing is kind of snow-balling. Unfortunately, we have to take out a loan to do this because it wasn't supposed to be in our budget for another couple of years. Fine, whatever. The bad news is that no one is doing new construction loans anymore - the financial crisis sort of made those all disappear. And we won't be able to get a personal loan large enough to cover the cost of the whole project. So now we're caught between a rock and a hard place, so I'm not really sure what is going to happen. I knew the renovations would be stressful (we've been through this on a smaller scale already), but they haven't event started and we're already stressed out.
• Paul's grandmother on his dad's side passed away rather suddenly a couple of weeks ago. She was in her 90's and not in super great health, but it was still unexpected. His dad's family is not very close-knit and I've never understood their family dynamics. They're just not warm people. They did have a very small, private service (family only) at the cemetery where her remains (she was cremated) were buried. In spite of the awkward emotions, it was a tough thing for my husband. He now has no biological grandparents left (the people he calls "Grandma" and "Grandpa" on his mom's side are actually his aunt and her husband). He also didn't get to see his grandma or say goodbye, so I know that weighs heavily on him.
• Nathan was sick for practically the entire month of May, resulting in a lot of sleepless nights, juggling of childcare arrangements, and frustration. He started out with what seemed like just a cold (snot, sneezing, congestion) and wound up with me sitting in a convenient care clinic the Friday before Memorial Day weekend waiting for x-ray results to hopefully rule out pneumonia. The x-ray was negative (thankfully) but he did have some bronchiolitis (inflammation of his airways) which explained the violent and persistent cough he had developed. As a result, we started him on a short course of oral steroids and breathing treatments with a nebulizer; there was also a minor ear infection, but the doctor and I decided to hold off on treating that (it was really very minor and I'm pretty cautious about over-use of antibiotics). Now two weeks later, the ear infection seems to have resolved just fine on its own, he is done with the steroids, and we are trying to wean off the breathing treatments. If you've never tried to treat a toddler with a nebulizer... I do NOT recommend it. Thank goodness for Baby Einstein videos...
• Paul got into a minor fender bender a week ago. No one was hurt and the damage to his truck is minor and he can fix it himself. Unfortunately, this will impact our auto insurance rates which had just finally gone back down from another accident about 3 years ago. UGH.

With all the above in addition to the usual stress of learning a new job, being a parent of a toddler, keeping up with house chores and other adult responsibilities, and trying to find time for our marriage (not to mention time for me alone)... I definitely haven't been keeping up with my mini-goals. In fact, I never even got around to reviewing them last month and setting new ones. Fail. But I do still think it's important and I would really like to give it another shot this month.

The mini-goals I set in April seemed pretty reasonable at the time, but then life interfered in ways I couldn't have predicted or prevented. Priorities and expectations had to shift. But that's the great thing about mini-goals, right? Sometimes you have to take a step back, re-evaluate, and redirect if needed. Previously I tried to be very specific about certain goals, but what I've learned so far is that this is more about changing behaviors and creating new habits. It's fine to be specific in order to give examples, but I actually do better with more general goals that can be accomplished a variety of ways. So here's where I'm headed (hopefully) in the next 30 days:

1. Fitness. Previous fitness goals were about working out a set number of days per week. This was fine to get started, but the overall goal I'm working towards here is living a more active lifestyle. I found myself getting frustrated on the weekends when household chores, time with Nathan, and the rare (but necessary!) social engagements seemed to always complete with working out. As a result, I was forcing myself to squeeze all 5 workouts into the work week, which is not a sustainable habit for me. My new fitness goal is much looser: for the next 30 days, I want to achieve a more active lifestyle. I am getting a FitBit as a birthday present, so I will be better able to monitor my activity level and can hopefully give myself a break on those days when I choose chasing a toddler around or doing yard work over a "legitimate" workout :) I will continue to squeeze in workouts when I can, but I'm not going to stress about it. I would like to do 1-2 strength-based workouts a week, and I would like to do some cardio 3-4 days a week, but I'm not going to beat myself up if it doesn't always happen. I've made progress and I know this. I wore a freaking bikini to the beach on my vacation, which is not something I would have done even a few months ago. I also trained for and ran a 5K (this morning actually), which isn't something I particularly enjoyed (I hate running) but again, I wouldn't have been able to do that just a few months ago. I may not be at my goal weight yet, but I'm down 2 clothing sizes and I'm more toned than I've been in a long time. I can do this.
2. Healthy eating. I had 3 goals in this area last time and the only one I achieved was the detox. Oops. The MFP tracking has been hit or miss and I'm starting to think it's time to adjust how I use it. I've learned a lot about portion control and that, for me, is the key issue/behavior that needed to change. I also know that I need some balance in this area - I don't want it to become an obsession. I think the best thing for me to do going forward is to use MFP as a guide to get my day off on the right foot (e.g. track my intake for breakfast, lunch, snacks, and cardio) but not necessarily obsess over entering every recipe I make for dinner so I can accurately measure out amounts. Likewise if I'm somewhere that tracking isn't really feasible (like a birthday BBQ or a church event), I won't stress about it. I'll just trust that my instincts have improved and I'm able to choose reasonable portions. I do, however, intend to get back on the bandwagon with meal planning and prep. This is important not just from a physical health perspective, but from a time management and financial perspective as well.
3. Education and Organization. I'm putting both of these on hold temporarily. I will reinstate these mini-goals eventually, but neither is very realistic for the present. Rather than set more mini-goals and fail to achieve them (again), I'm going to just pause and we'll get back to these once we have the home renovations sorted out and once my new job settles down a bit ;)
4. Finances. Well this is all kind of a mess, thanks to the loan problems. We have been working on the renovation budget and estimates, so technically I did meet those goals. Unfortunately, since so much of that is out of my control, I'm going to have to readjust for the next 30 days. I'm actually going to reinstate some mini-goals from a previous month, including: 1) eat out a maximum of 3 times, 2) set aside cash for weekly expenses, and 3) reconfigure how our paychecks are split for direct deposit into various checking and savings accounts. Paul and I both got raises recently, so I need to evaluate what is coming in, when, and where it all goes.

So that's it for now - that is what I'm going to shoot for over the next 30 days. I just returned from vacation (will do another post about that) and I'm feeling more or less refreshed and ready to get back on track! 

24 Hour Detox: The Day After

After nearly 2 weeks of eating out, eating on the road, and/or eating crappy hospital cafeteria food... I was feeling, well, crappy. I was sluggish. My head hurt. And my GI tract was staging some kind of revolt. I've been eating pretty well since early February, so if nothing else, this was proof that my body actually liked it! But I needed to do something to get myself back on track. I needed a reset of sorts. I needed to purge out all the nastiness and restore the natural organ systems and functions that the human body is already equipped with when it isn't overloaded with junk and stress. So I decided it was time for a detox. I prefer the word "detox" over "cleanse" but you can call it whatever you want.

There are plenty of commercial plans and systems out there, numerous websites and books, countless opinions and so-called expert advice about how and where and when to do this kind of thing. Frankly, a lot of it seems kind of sketchy to me. I find it hard to believe that switching to a liquid diet or cutting out entire food groups for several days to a week at a time is truly healthy. I'm aware that there are special situations in which such extreme measures might be necessary, and in those cases, I think it's especially important to be under the care of a health or nutrition professional. But that's not me, and I was not interested in anything extreme. So I went with something that I was comfortable with and thought I could handle: a modified 24-hour juice detox.

We have a juicer (that my husband bought off an infomercial) and we go through various phases of using it. It actually works quite well and is relatively easy to use, so I'd like to get back in the habit of using it more consistently. Nathan doesn't really drink juice, but you can use it to make homemade popsicles, which I am hoping will be a big hit over the summer. Anyway, because we have the juicer we also have a couple of recipe/idea books, one of which includes sample plans for a 24-hour juice detox. I chose recipes from this book and then modified them a bit. Mainly, I tried to incorporate more protein and some healthy fat into the day but adding things like Greek yogurt and some avocado. I also allowed myself some hard boiled eggs (NOT mixed into the juices). I just felt like it was important to have something to balance out the natural sugars in the fruit. I scheduled my detox for a day that I was working from home (it would NOT have been practical for me to do this at work). I did still have coffee before getting started, but I limited myself to just 2 cups (you aren't supposed to have any caffeine, but I refuse to give that up completely!). Nathan was with me in the morning and evening, but went to daycare during the day. Paul was also on shift all day, so it was nice to have the house to myself and not be tempted by anyone else's food! Here's how my day looked:

Breakfast
I chose a citrus blend (oranges, lemon, and lime) and blended the juice with some Greek yogurt to thicken it up, add a little protein, and fill me up more. It was thicker than regular juice, but not quite smoothie-level. The citrus made for a pretty tart but very refreshing taste, which definitely perked me up. Citrus juices provide vitamin C, as well as some of the nutrients needed to help absorb it. Furthermore, these juices are a great source of citric acid, which is great for pulling toxins out of the body.

Lunch
For lunch I went with a savory-herb tomato blend. The juice base was just tomatoes and then you mix in freshly chopped basil and parsley. I put the tomato juice in the blender and added 1/2 an avocado before stirring in the herbs, which made it a little thicker and quite filling. The book recommends adding a dash of Worcestershire, which I forgot to do, but it was fine without it too. Tomatoes are a great source of antioxidants; and the parsley also adds some nutrients, in particular iron. I also had a hard boiled egg for lunch, mashed up with some dill, paprika, and a dash of onion salt for flavor.

Dinner
I went with a mix of veggies and fruit for dinner: apples, green grapes, fresh ginger, and beetroot. This was the most fun to make and it smelled great (fresh ginger is potent!). It was actually pretty tasty too. Beets are really good for detoxing the kidneys (and have many other benefits). I'm not typically a big fan of them, but in juice form I don't mind. Grapes are a good source of vitamin E, which acts as an antioxidant. Apples have potassium, more vitamin C, and are also useful for lowering cholesterol. And of course ginger is great for settling the stomach. I also had more hard boiled egg with dinner, which helped fill me up more.

Nighttime Tea
My recipe book included herbal tea blends to make and drink before bed. I went with one that used lemon zest and mint leaves. This was probably my least favorite of the day - it just didn't have much flavor, and what flavor it did have was kind of bitter. Maybe I made it wrong? I drank it anyway, but I'd probably try a different one next time.

So now for the results...

Yesterday
I felt pretty good all day yesterday, and by early evening I could honestly say I felt fantastic. I had energy, but not the bounce-off-the-walls kind. It was more of an "absence of fatigue" kind of energy, sort of peaceful and calming actually. I was never really hungry except at lunch, but that may have been because I lost track of time and made my lunch juice kind of late. And who knows - I might have felt it more if I hadn't supplemented my juices with eggs and whatnot. My stomach definitely felt more settled than it has been, and I didn't miss the sluggish feeling that often comes from eating a heavy dinner.

Overnight
My juicing book suggested that drinking the right juices at dinner and before bed could help improve sleep. I've been sleeping pretty poorly lately, so I don't know if it was the detox or the relaxed evening (I skipped working out because they don't recommend it while on restricted calories, plus I took a nice bath and read a magazine), but either way I definitely slept great last night! I had no trouble falling asleep, and the only time I recall being awake was when my dog was snoring loudly :)

Today
I woke up feeling pretty good this morning too. I wasn't starving, by any means, but I was definitely ready to eat solid food again. The book cautions against extending the detox beyond 24 hours, so I was happy to comply and made myself a toasted mini bagel with whipped cream cheese and a spicy vegetarian sausage patty for breakfast. And yes, I had my coffee as well :) It's still early in the day, but I think I'm going to go ahead and call this experiment a success. It was fun and easy, and I really do feel pretty great. I definitely want to try doing more juicing on a daily basis - maybe even replace 1 meal or snack a day with juice. My recipe books also give suggestions for what to do with the pulp (both fruit and veggie types) so I will try to plan accordingly. I've already been mixing some into Nathan's yogurt for added fiber and I'm going to use the tomato pulp in a pasta recipe this weekend. I feel that I accomplished what I set out to do, which was to "reset" my body and it's natural detox systems.

And now... time to enjoy this holiday weekend! Well, after I get through the workday, that is...

Slowly But Surely & Mom/Nana to the Rescue

This will be a combination post since, well, I'm short on time and neither topic seems to be enough to do as a solo post...

First things first, I've been weighing myself intermittently since declaring that it was time to start getting serious about the post-baby weight loss and tone up. When I made that declaration, the scale said I was at 179 lbs. Today marks the first time (post-pregnancy) that it dipped into the 160's (169.8 to be exact). Woohoo! My weight does fluctuate quite a bit throughout the day (sometimes as much as 5 pounds) but I've checked it a couple times today and I think it is safe to say I'm making progress. I still have a way to go to get to my goal, but progress is progress. And while I haven't gotten as far on the "tone up" part as I'd like, I did recently discover that I can once again fit into 2 more pairs of pre-pregnancy (size 8) pants.

This news is just the sort of positive kick-in-the-butt that I need to get back on track. I kind of slacked a bit after vacation, and was actually feeling a bit discouraged looking at vacation pictures and not seeing as much improvement as I'd hoped. Nevertheless, this proves that things are moving in the right direction. With the garden really starting to produce in full force, I've got no excuse to not make healthy eating choices. Last week, we made a huge pan of roasted veggies and just ate that for dinner. It was filling and delicious. This week's goal is to reintroduce healthy proteins (as in, NOT three-meat frozen pizza) and go back to drinking a daily Greek yogurt smoothie.

In other news, I had a bit of a meltdown on Saturday. Paul had just discovered that he is signed up to work a 48-hour shift over Labor Day weekend. That will be his 4th weekend double shift this month. I can do the single-parent thing during the week, and I can handle the occasional weekend double. But this month has been out of control. Normally when Paul is on a weekend double, I can drop Nathan off with my in-laws for a couple of hours while I run the kind of errands that are hard to do with a baby or speed clean the house. They get to see their grandson and I get a mini break to catch up on stuff, so it's a win-win. But my MIL had knee replacement surgery a couple weeks ago, so neither she nor my FIL are available to help out right now.

All this to say, working all week and single-parenting all weekend is starting to wear on me. The double shift for this coming weekend had been accidentally left off the family calendar (even though Paul agreed to the trade shift months ago) so finding out about it last minute was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. In the process of venting to my Mom about it, she happened to see a good flight deal. And since my dad also has to work all Labor Day weekend, she offered to come here. She arrives Wednesday evening and will leave Tuesday after the holiday. My mother is an angel. I'm soooooooooooo thankful that she has the means and flexibility, at this stage in her life, to drop everything and come help me. Just having another person around to help hold/change/feed/entertain Nathan or start the dishwasher or harvest the garden or help do whatever else needs doing will go a long way towards restoring my sanity. On top of that, she is a superb organizer, and I have a couple of projects in mind that could use an organized touch.

So that is all. Just wanted to write a quick post to share the good news. Still hoping to eventually finish some of the other, half-baked posts that have been rolling around my brain lately. Who knows - with my mom here - maybe I'll get around to that over the weekend!

The Plan

A few days ago I wrote about wanting (and needing) to lose some weight, get back in shape, and feel better about myself physically. I think the best way for me to do this is to have some accountability. I don't just mean from anyone who might be reading this (although if you are - feel free to leave me encouraging messages and/or reminders!), but from myself as well. My policy on this blog (and in real life) is 100% honesty. I've shared some difficult things here, and it has helped me to work through my emotions and reactions. I think I can use it to help me through this quest to get myself back on track as far as my physical health is concerned.

As someone who had a pretty high metabolism as a youth, and was always very active in sports growing up, I never really had to worry about weight. I was actually quite skinny, and I could more or less eat whatever I wanted. During college, I played tennis, participated in a traveling drama group, worked 2 part-time jobs, and carried a hefty course load (I was pre-med). Some people eat more when stressed, but I was the opposite. I would forget to eat. One year, I came home for Christmas break after finals, and my Nana actually asked if I had been sick (I was too skinny). I probably averaged around 115-120 pounds throughout most of college.

After college, my lifestyle changed drastically. I became much more sedentary - in part due to my job (I worked as a lab technician). I tried to work out as much as I could, but I was also struggling with situational depression that first year out of college. For the first time in my life, I used food for comfort and to manage stress. I probably gained 5-10 pounds that year. But because I had been so thin up until that point, it wasn't really a bad thing.

Fast forward to 2008-2009. It was an intense year in my life. In the span of about 12-16 months, I started grad school, bought a house, got married, lost my Nana to cancer, and changed jobs. Meanwhile, I was supporting Paul as he began a new career and dealt with his father's traumatic brain injury and subsequent recovery. Tack on another 10+ pounds, and I was hanging out around the 145-150 mark. Not terrible, but I was starting to realize that my metabolism wasn't what it used to be. I wanted to exercise more and eat healthier. And to some extent, I was successful. Paul and I love to cook together, and neither of us is terribly picky. We were also growing our own vegetables every summer, so for at least part of the year, we ate very healthily without much effort. But I was still taking graduate courses and working full time; I also commuted with a friend, so although I had a membership at the gym near my office, it wasn't always feasible to utilize it as often as I would have liked.

Then 2010 hit, and we began a nearly 3 year journey to have a baby. As any of you who've been down that road will understand, the stress and the hormones and the treatments take their toll. By the time I was actually pregnant, I was at or above 160 (depending on how you define my "pre-pregnancy" weight). I actually did manage to exercise somewhat regularly during the first 2 trimesters. And overall, I did not gain an excessive amount of weight. Nevertheless, by the time I delivered, I was closer to the 200 mark than I would like to have been (though never over it).

As I mentioned in my other post, that first chunk of weight seemed to melt off rather quickly. I even started walking (slowly) on my treadmill about 2 weeks after Nathan was born. I lost a little more during my maternity leave, but ever since going back to work I've fluctuated back and forth from about 170 to 180. My biggest hurdles have been: 1) a lingering sweet tooth that developed during pregnancy and has yet to go away, 2) fatigue/exhaustion resulting from a lack of sleep and energy, and 3) plain old laziness and lack of motivation. I also took to dressing myself "strategically" in clothes that masked my problem areas. I convinced myself that it was okay to buy a few pairs of pants in a bigger size to wear during my "transition" back to my pre-pregnancy stuff. I avoided certain tops because they weren't conducive to nursing or pumping. And for the most part, I heard only compliments when I went back to work. Everyone said I looked great, so I figured I did!

But pictures don't lie. I know I'm not extremely overweight, but I'm definitely not proud of myself when I look at pictures. In addition to to the added weight, I've lost most (if not all) of my muscle tone and definition. And the worst part? It has started to affect my energy, flexibility, and endurance. I did a couple hours of yard work the other weekend and could barely move the next day. I participated in the cancer walk and my joints were screaming. My metabolism may not be as high as it used to be, but I'm not ready to stop doing the things I love because I'm out of shape. I want to be an active mom. I want to do things with my son. I want to have energy (even if I'm not getting as much sleep as I would like) to do chores around the house and still take the dog for a walk.

So here's my plan... It's quite simple, actually. I don't have time for complicated right now, so here goes:

1. Eat better. It isn't rocket science. I know what's healthy and what's not. I need more fruits, veggies, and lean protein in my diet. I don't plan to cut out carbs or anything drastic like that, but I do need to be more mindful of not overdoing it on certain things (like Trader Joe's peanut butter cups). I don't believe in completely restricting anything - in my book that's a sure fire way to make me crave it even more and then go on a binge. But I can limit myself to just one dessert/sweet treat per day of a reasonable size. And I can focus on filling up with good fiber and super foods that offer multiple benefits. Part of my strategy to do this is to make out monthly meal plans. I did one last month for financial/budgetary reasons, and I really liked it. Not only did it allow me to stay on budget with grocery shopping, but I was able to stop and really think about what we were eating and when. I'm planning to keep this up on an on-going basis.
2. Exercise at least five times a week. I'm not going to specify what type of exercise or even the duration, because I don't want to use either of those as excuses for not doing anything. In the past I've said things like, "I don't have time for a 45 minute workout," or "Oh look, it's raining out - guess I can't go for a walk after all." I've got lots of options for walking or even running (the treadmill, the track at the park in town, our subdivision, the forest preserve), as well as plenty of DVDs (Lindsay Brin's Post-Natal Bootcamp, P90x, various and sundry pilates and yoga). The important thing is that I make some effort - any effort - to squeeze in some kind of activity at least 5 days each week. I'm not even going to specify which days because every week is different. 
3. Post about my progress. It won't be daily (maybe not even weekly). But from time to time, I'm going to weigh myself, try on my "normal" clothes, and post about where I'm at on this blog. That way, if I'm feeling discouraged, I can log back in and see how far I've come. I don't have a set-in-stone goal in mind, but I'd like to get back to around 150 or so. And there are certain clothing items (pants and dresses mostly) that I'd like to be able to wear again by this fall. 

So that's it. That's my plan and I'm really, really, going to strive to stick with it. I want to do this. I need to do this, for many reasons. It is Saturday, June 15, 2013, and today I am 179 pounds and wearing a size 10-12 pant. I did a 30 minute DVD workout this morning (cardio + toning + abs) and hope to go for a walk with Nathan later (if the weather cooperates). I had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, and hummus-and-cheese stuffed peppers with a banana and peanut butter on the side for lunch. I'm debating about a snack right now and trying to resist the urge to devour the rest of the cake from Nathan's baptism last weekend :) Stay tuned for more updates down the road...

Time for Change

It's time. In less than 2 weeks, I will have a 5 month-old son. It is time for me to stop making excuses and get serious about losing some weight and getting into shape. I've been slacking off in this department for a while now. It's time to stop.

In the first 2-3 weeks after Nathan was born, I lost a chunk of the baby weight pretty quickly. It was encouraging. I thought I was going to be one of those lucky ones who loses it all just by breastfeeding. But then I hit a plateau. And then, I started to inch back up a bit. It soon became apparent that I wasn't going to be one of those lucky ones after all. Bummer. But I was not in a hurry. I figured I had plenty of time to turn things around again. And for a few weeks, towards the end of my maternity leave, I did pretty well. I worked out at least 30 minutes a day and took Nathan for as many walks as I could (weather permitting). But then we went on vacation. And then I went back to work. And Nathan decided to quit sleeping for a week or so. And suddenly, I had no time/energy/desire to exercise.

I've tried to be mindful of my eating habits. But I've also used breastfeeding to justify (at least to myself) an extra helping of this or a super-size that or just-one-more-piece-of-chocolate. While it is true that you do need to take in more calories when breastfeeding then not, I'm pretty sure that doesn't mean doughnuts and lattes and peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's. I know what healthy eating is, and I'm not doing it.

I was going through pictures from this weekend, and for the first time in my life, I'm truly embarrassed to post any of them. I know I've put on weight over the past few years. Stress + infertility treatments + pregnancy + life with a newborn = approximately 30-40 pounds heavier than when I got married. I just didn't realize (or have apparently been in denial) about how obvious it is. I guess I didn't really feel that much bigger. Or if I did, I was quick to cut myself some slack. After all, weight gain is a side effect of all those drugs I took to get pregnant, right? And everyone gains weight when pregnant. And I just had a baby, so of course I'm still carrying a little extra here and there... Totally normal, right?

But it's time to stop the excuses. It's time to make being healthy a priority again. It isn't just about the weight. It's about getting stronger and taking control of a body that has been out of my control for a while now. It's about setting a good example for my son. It's about looking forward to pictures with him, and not being embarrassed to post them or hang them in frames. It's about feeling better and not lying to myself anymore.

I'm ready. I want to do this. I need to do this. It's time for change.