157.2

I know it's been a while since I posted on it and I'm WAY overdue for an update on all my mini-goals, but for now I just want to say... I am OFFICIALLY 3.5(ish) pounds UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight (not pre-fertility treatments weight, but I'll take it!).

Seriously. I'm kind of amazed. I've lost just over 20 pounds since I started getting serious about it in February. I honestly didn't think I would be this far already. I mean, I haven't seen the 150s since April 2012! At this rate, I feel like I might even dip into the 140s by the end of 2014 (140 is sort of my "ideal" goal weight).

Even better than the number on the scale is the fact that people are NOTICING. I've been getting 1-2 comments a week lately (from different people... not the same person repeatedly) and it is such a mood booster. Not only that, but I am fitting into sizes and clothing I haven't looked at in over 2 years. I'm down 2 full pant sizes (and nearly ready to drop a 3rd) since February. Shirts that I was kind of nervous about being too tight for work are now starting to be too loose. I actually need to go shopping for some stuff that fits (I gave away a lot of things to Goodwill thinking it would be years - if ever - before I would fit into any of it again... oops!).

Looking back, I attribute my progress to 3 key things:

1. Calorie-counting. Yup. I hate to admit it, but that was really the turning point. After years of resisting that method of portion control, I finally gave it a try and realized I was way off base in my "estimations" of portion and serving size. I actually haven't been tracking calories all that much lately (in MFP that is) but I think it's served it's purpose, which was to re-train my brain to pay more attention to that stuff to begin with.
2. Beach Body programs. My husband and I had been doing one of them on and off for a couple of months and liked it, but found the workouts way too long. If we didn't have time for a full-length one, we just wouldn't do any. Now we've switched to a different program that has much shorter workouts. I love it. It's challenging and some of the workouts are pretty intense, but the overall idea feels much more manageable.
3. My Fitbit. I love it. I've become so much more aware of how active I am from day to day, which has really helped me make adjustments to my calorie intake as needed. 

As I said, I'm overdue for a much longer update, but I just weighed myself and was so excited I had to post about it!

Some Days, Some Nights...

Some days, having a toddler makes me miss the newborn phase... the tantrums, the independence, the borderline defiance. Newborns don't do that stuff! Sure they spit up (a lot), refuse to sleep when you want them to, and sometimes cry for hours for no apparent reason. But their needs and wants are also pretty basic, they make great snuggle buddies, and you can pretty much strap them into a carrier and cart them anywhere.

Some days, I feel like a terrible mom. I'm not super creative with crafty things. I still haven't gotten my son signed up for swim lessons (something I was adamant about doing by the time he was 6 months old). I haven't put together a scrapbook commemorating the first year of his life (I barely even got prints from his last photo shoot!). Some days I'm impatient. Some days I'm too easily frustrated. Some days I'm tired and just want to sit on the couch and watch a Baby Einstein rather than get on the floor and play. Some days I catch myself glancing at my smartphone too much while he's nearby.

Some nights are hard... Random 19-month sleep regression!? Juggling sleeping arrangements while traveling - all of us in one room where no one sleeps well vs. finding a way for him to have his own space but running the risk of middle-of-the-night panic attacks when he realizes he doesn't know where he is. Trying to squeeze in a workout or a relaxing (ha!) bath one evening while Dada puts him to bed, only to listen to repeated shrieks and wailing for "Mammmaaaaaaaaaaaa!" to come back because he's going through a pretty intense "mama" phase lately.

Some days I feel scared/frustrated/overwhelmed because I don't have all the answers. Some days I force myself to laugh (because I hate crying). Some days... there really are no words. Like when your 19.5 month-old develops explosive diarrhea (stomach bug? bad food?) in the middle of your great-grandmother's funeral/memorial services weekend out-of-town and poops through every single pair of pants you packed for the 3 day trip. Or when said toddler (who seemed to be feeling better) produces a surprise explosion in the car seat on the way home (with 2 hours to go) and you find yourself on the side of the road with a naked, shivering toddler (carefully wrapped in the one clean baby blanket you have left in the car) while your husband uses the last of the wipes and tissues drenched in hand sanitizer to trip to wipe sh*t off the car seat. 

But some days... my heart just melts when he runs to me and squeezes me tight with his skinny little arms. Some days I am filled with joy as I watch his little face light up in wonder at the world around. Some days his sweet voice happily singing "Mama!" calms my soul when I walk in the door after a rough day at work. Some days I want to hold him tight because he's growing too fast. Some days I watch in amazement and he demonstrates a new skill or behavior. Like when he put on his mini backpack, told me "bye-bye", blew me a kiss, sat down on his toy train, and "drove" it to "work".

Some nights he sits so calmly on my lap while we read bedtime stories, his tiny fingers absentmindedly stroking my arm, his head resting under my chin. Some nights he sweetly kisses us "night-night". Some nights his fuzzy, soft curls tickle my ear as he snuggles his head down on my shoulder to "rock rock" for a few minutes before bed. Some nights... I want to hold onto forever.