My paternal grandfather (Papa) will be turning 80 in less than a month and my aunt is preparing a memory book, of sorts, for his birthday. She asked all of us to contribute - letters, cards, pictures. Below is what I wrote:
Anyone who knows my Papa knows that he loves to give advice. He always has plenty of it to spare, and is not particularly stingy about doling it out. Over the years, Papa has given me a lot of advice. Some of it was requested. Some of it was… not. Some of it was helpful. Some of it was… well, unique. Some of it I heeded. And probably a lot of it I did not. I am, after all, a Stephens, and if nothing else we are an independent (some might say headstrong) breed. Nevertheless, Papa had advice for pretty much any situation that life presented (and some that were just theoretical too).
As a kid, some of his advice confused me. You know the nursery rhyme that goes:
“Georgie Porgie, puddin’ and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry!”
Papa had his own version just for me that went something like this:
“Ashlee Pashlee, puddin’ and pie, kissed the boys and made them cry!”
He recited this often to me when I was a kid, and always followed it by saying “Now, you don’t REALLY kiss the boys, do you? Because you should stay away from boys!” Of course, I was well aware that boys had cooties, and I had no intentions of kissing any of them. But I was never quite sure what to do with this oft-repeated bit of wisdom. Fortunately he gave this one up when I started bringing home the man that is now my husband…
As I became a teenager, most of his advice to me was focused on driving. Papa had a LOT of advice about driving. I can remember one time, in particular, riding in the car with Papa, Nana, and Billy. We were going over to Highland to eat at Taco John’s and Papa was driving, as usual. For whatever reason, he chose that trip to lecture Billy and I on the necessity of “escaping the semi-trucks.” Not only did he list all the reasons not to trust semis (they are big, they could run you off the road, something about wind tunnels and velocity that had Billy and I shaking our heads…), but he also demonstrated the exact methods for “escaping” them. Essentially, he said to floor it, pedal to the metal, until we had gotten around them. And that is exactly what he did. Billy and I were shocked – Papa was actually telling us that it was okay to speed (his speedometer broke 80 at one point) temporarily in order to avoid a potentially dangerous encounter with a semi. At the time, we thought it was just another weird piece of advice from Papa. Looking back now, I can see the metaphor for life. Rules are there for a reason, but occasionally, they may need to be bent or even broken in instances where following them might pose a greater danger.
When I was off at college, Papa of course had lots of wisdom to offer about college life. Having been a student, teacher, and eventually a college president – he knew a thing or two about it. There were times that I consulted his advice on things related to my education. There were also times I asked for advice in dealing with “life” situations – for instance, when an acquaintance I had met through college friends ended up in jail and was asking for bail money. Papa’s recommendation: only lend money to a friend if you would be fine never getting it back. I mulled it over, decided to lend the money – and never got it back.
Over the years, Papa gave out lots of other advice:
• Don’t mow the grass wearing flimsy shoes!
• Always travel prepared – keep a blanket, flashlight, flares, water bottles, and a can of vienna sausages in your trunk for emergencies.
• Early to bed, early to rise! That is how God intended it!
• Invest in your future – focus on your education.
• Lots of things in life, like fly fishing, take patience. If you don’t have it – cultivate it!
• Don’t be afraid to be a leader.
I could probably go on for several pages, but perhaps Papa’s most valuable advice to me can be best summed up by these words taken from one of his favorite old songs:
“Life is like a mountain railroad
With an engineer so brave
We must make this run successful
From the cradle to the grave
Watch the curves, the fills the tunnels
Never falter, never fail
Keep your hand upon the throttle
And your eye upon the rail
Oh, blessed Savior, thou wilt guide us
Til we reach that blissful shore
Where the angels wait to join us
In God's grace forever more.”
My interpretation of these lyrics goes something like this:
“Life will send you on some crazy paths – some easy and straight, others difficult and riddled with challenges. But if you keep your focus where it should be (on the Lord and His teachings) you will stay on track.”
Thank you Papa – for all your strange, funny, interesting, profound, random, insightful advice.
Happy 80th Birthday!
Love,
Ash
