Charlotte's Birth Story - Part II

Apologies for the delay in continuing the story... I got sidetracked and forgot about it a little bit, and then we went on vacation so... yeah. Anyhoo...

After determining that there actually was something happening, I called out to Paul who was still in bed. I told him I thought my water had broken, or that at the very least I was leaking fluid of some sort. And then we just sort of stared at each other for a minute before he said "Well... I guess we should probably head to the hospital?" I vaguely remembered the OB saying at one of my last appointments to call before heading in, so I dialed the answering service and gave them my information. At that point I was sitting on the bed on a towel and a much bigger gush of fluid was released. I decided the bed was probably not a good place to be and went back to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet sounded awkward and uncomfortable, so I removed my pajama bottoms and proceeded to stand in the bathtub. The on-call doctor called back a few minutes later and asked me some questions about the fluid (color, amount) and whether or not I was having contractions. I confirmed that I had been having round-the-clock contractions for over a month but nothing that seemed to go amount to anything (honestly I wasn't even timing them anymore). I also reminded her that we lived about an hour away. She suggested we come on in and get checked.

At that point Paul was wide awake and starting to collect last minute items to toss into the already packed overnight and diaper bags. I texted my mom (who had been staying with us for a couple of weeks and was asleep in the downstairs guest room) and asked her to come up. I stood in the tub in my bra and a towel going over instructions and details with her for taking care of N and the cats and dog. We agreed she could let my dad know we were headed in, but not to wake N or tell anyone else until we knew for sure how things were going. It was right about midnight when we finally got loaded into the car - me wearing 2 thick pads and seated on a towel on top of a puppy pee pad :)

As we pulled out of the driveway, Paul realized we needed gas. I remembered my gas light coming on as I was getting close to home the night before, but I had decided not to stop because I needed to get back in time to sign papers for the truck. I had actually intended to tell Paul to run out and fill up after the truck ordeal, but it had slipped my mind. So we headed to the closest/our usual gas station. It was closed. At that point it was starting to storm out. We drove to another gas station closer to the interstate. Closed. We then drove to a third gas station on the opposite side of the interstate, and thankfully it had a 24-hour pump option. All of this added about 20 minutes to our start time, so by the time we finally got onto the interstate to head towards the city, it was storming and raining heavily and the gushes of fluid were getting larger and more frequent. I was also starting to contract more often.

Despite the weather and gas-delays, we made good time seeing as it was the middle of the night and there was no traffic. We arrived at the hospital around 1:15 or so and I got checked in to the maternity triage area. They brought me back to a room where a nurse did a preliminary exam and got me hooked up to the monitors. I was surprised to learn that she would not be checking my cervix, however; apparently they don't do that anymore unless absolutely necessary (something about risk of infection)? She did comment on the color of the amniotic fluid and mentioned she was going to have it looked at under the microscope to rule out meconium contamination. She left the room saying she would consult with the doctor and someone would be back to tell me the plan. An ultrasound tech also came in to do a quick check to confirm that the baby was head down. After that, no one came back for over an hour.

While we waited, I began contracting much more regularly, though they were not super intense yet. The most uncomfortable part of waiting was the bed in the triage room.  As much as I wanted to close my eyes and try to nap a little while I still could, I couldn't seem to get comfortable without disrupting the contraction and/or fetal heart rate monitors. Paul meanwhile was dozing in a chair with his head against the wall. Sometime after 2:30 a.m., a different nurse returned and informed me that they were sending me up to L&D to get admitted. She didn't mention anything about the meconium exam and I forgot to ask. We gathered our things and an orderly wheeled me up to our room in L&D a little before 3 a.m.

It was at that point that I finally started to feel like it was real. Our baby girl was on her way. One way or another, we were going to become a family of four very soon! 

Charlotte's Birth Story - Part I

It's 8:49 pm and I *think* both kiddos are asleep for the night, but one never knows... I'm exhausted and it's been a long day of solo-parenting while P is on shift, but it's too soon to pump again so we'll see how far I get with writing this :)

I was overdue. Again. Though not as much as with N (thankfully). My actual due date was May 14 - Mother's Day (oh, the irony of that day). At my doctor's appointment the week before, I was still not dilated AT ALL, despite having had on-again-off-again, round-the-clock contractions for most of the last month. I spent the entire weekend doing all the things to try to put myself in labor: spicy foods, long, vigorous walks, off-roading through bumpy fields in my husband's truck... and yes, even the horizontal tango. Of course none of that worked (does it ever? really?).

My next appointment was on Monday the 15th, and the plan was for the doctor to try to sweep my membranes (translation = conduct an aggressive cervical exam) in the hopes of spurring things onward. That could only be done though if my cervix was found to be 'favorable' for it. Thankfully, it was: I had progressed from 'clamped shut' to 'a solid half a centimeter' dilated, but it was apparently enough for her to get access to the membranes and sweep away. I swear the doctor's hand was so far up there she was practically in my esophagus - it was not the most comfortable experience. Nevertheless, she mentioned that during the course of the sweeping, she may have gotten me 'up to 2 cm', so I was thrilled. She cautioned that there were no promises, but she wouldn't be surprised to see me back in the next 36-48 hours. 

While we were all hopeful that I would still go into spontaneous labor, there was some concern about the possible size of the baby (and my increasing levels of discomfort), so we agreed to tentatively schedule an induction as a back-up plan. I left the OB/GYN office on Monday with assurances that someone would call to schedule me for an end of the week induction (likely Thursday or Friday). I went home that night and walked another 2-3 miles before eating a dinner that involved red chili pepper flakes. 

By Tuesday afternoon, no one had called yet and I was getting antsy. I couldn't tell that much had changed - the contractions still came and went with varying frequency and intensity. I called the doctor's office and they assured me they hadn't forgotten but were still waiting to hear back from the hospital about availability. That evening I walked up and down the lakeshore path that is near my office (and the hospital where I was delivering) before finally giving up and heading home. 

As Wednesday rolled around, my mood spiraled downward. I called the doctor's office again (twice, actually) and got the same response as on Tuesday. Meanwhile I was starting to feel panicky because it was looking less and less like it would happen before the weekend, and P was scheduled to return to work the following Tuesday (because of how they do their time off at his work, he had had to pick which shifts to take off several months ahead without knowing for sure when the baby would arrive). And to make matters worse, another woman in my office who was actually due 3 weeks after me was in labor. As I prepared to head home that evening, I poked my head into the office next door to say goodbye to a co-worker. She was also pregnant (and also due in about 2-3 weeks) and every evening we would joke about how she hoped not to see me the next morning. That evening though, I told her I was starting to think she would also deliver before me, and rather than our usual 'hope I don't see you tomorrow' banter, I said 'I'm pretty sure I will see you again in the morning.' 

I got home that evening and was feeling pretty depressed. My hopes of a spontaneous labor were growing dimmer. I was worried about P's work schedule and whether or not he would even be there for the birth of our child. I was tired of the discomfort. Tired of going on walks that made the swelling in my feet and ankles worse but didn't induce labor. Tired of people at work saying 'oh hey - you're still here!' Tired of being tired. I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep.

Unfortunately, P had decided that it was the perfect time to buy a new truck. I'm not even kidding. In the midst of everything else, he had arranged for the dealership to bring the new truck to our house to do the trade-in for his old truck that evening. So at 8 pm that evening, we were signing papers and handing off keys in our driveway. Once the dealership people left, we loaded N and my mom (who had been staying with us since the early part of May) into the truck and all went for a test drive. We were gone maybe 15-20 minutes before heading home to get N to bed (it was way past his bedtime) and eat a late dinner. P and I finally crawled into bed sometime between 10:30-10:45, as I lamented the fact that I once again would be heading to work in the morning.

As usual, despite my fatigue, it took me a while to fall asleep. Just as I was drifting off around 11:30 or so... I felt a little gush of fluid leak out. I was nearly asleep and it was just a tiny gush, so I immediately assumed it had been pee. Nevertheless, I got out of bed and traipsed to the bathroom to investigate. As I sat on the toilet, nothing happened. I waited a few minutes before deciding that it had been a false alarm thanks to weakened pelvic floor muscles. But just as I was about to stand up and return to bed... there was another gush. I thought to myself, I did NOT just pee. It was just after 11:30 pm on Wednesday, May 17, and my water was breaking... at last.

Nathan's Birth - Part Five

***The final chapter in the story of Nathan's birth***

[NOTE: I started writing this chapter 3 weeks ago, fully intending to be done with the series before his one month birthday. So much for that plan!]

January 21, 2013 - 12:30 p.m.
The OB (Dr. L) came back to check on me a couple hours after the epidural was started. Paul had stepped out for a few minutes to get something to eat while my mom kept me company and fed me ice chips. Amazingly, I was at 9 cm! Apparently the epidural had helped me relax enough that I had progressed another 2.5 cm already. Only 1 left to go! Dr. L said she would be back within the hour and expected that I'd be complete by that point. She asked me to hold off on using the epidural booster button anymore - she wanted me to get used to feeling the pressure from the contractions so that I'd recognize when to push when it was time. Things were really starting to move! Paul wasn't back yet so Mom stayed with me for a bit longer. B came in to let me know that Paul was back from lunch, but the security desk people were giving him a hard time about not having a "visitor" pass and had sent him back to the first floor to get one. Nevermind that he'd been there all night with me and no one had mentioned anything about him needing a pass!

January 21, 2013 - 1:30 p.m.
Eventually Paul was allowed back in (needless to say, he was a little pissed about the situation) and my mom left to update everyone in the waiting room. Less than 5 minutes later, our nurse (Amy) came in and said Dr. L wanted her to check me. Amy did the exam and thought I was more or less complete, so she went to page Dr. L to come ASAP. Dr. L was already on her way back from her office down the street, so she arrived a few minutes later. Paul was in the midst of trying to text the waiting room crowd to give them the update when Dr. L instructed him to come stand on my right side. She showed him how to hold my leg (which felt like it weighed a ton thanks to the epidural). There was a nursing student in attendance as well, so Dr. L had her take my left side/leg. It was kind of funny - both Paul and I thought we were just doing a "dress rehearsal" for when it was time to push. But the next thing we knew, Dr. L was ordering everyone into position and telling me to get ready to push with the next contraction. Suddenly, things were happening very quickly!

Everyone thought that the baby was on the larger side (8.5-9 pounds) so they were preparing me for a lengthy pushing session. Dr. L wanted me to push 3 times with each contraction. As the contraction began, I would take a quick, deep breath in, hold it, push to the count of 10, exhale, inhale again quickly, and repeat. My contractions were actually quite long, so sometimes she had me do a 4th push as well. While I didn't really have the "urge" to push that is usually the case with a non-medicated birth, I could at least feel when the contractions were about to start. In most cases, I would start to get ready even before the monitor picked up that one was on its way. I was also having piggy-back contractions, where one would end and the next one started very soon after. I would have 3-4 of these in a row, followed by a break of a few minutes. The baby's heart rate would sometimes start to drop by the 3rd or 4th contraction, so during the breaks they would sometimes roll me from one side to the other to help relieve some of the pressure and get the heart rate up again.

Is it just me or do the birthing classes neglect to mention just how difficult pushing can be, especially for first time moms? Seriously - pushing is HARD! Maybe it was just my classes, but most of the focus was on the contractions. How to monitor contractions, how to gauge them, how to cope with the pain and discomfort, etc. There was very little discussion of the pushing phase, aside from what to expect as far as contractions during that phase. I can honestly say I felt very unprepared for the physical effort of pushing. There were times I thought my eyeballs might just pop out of my head from the exertion!

But I digress... Once I started pushing, I lost all track of time. Paul's cell phone kept chirping with text messages from everyone in the waiting room, but we decided they would probably figure out what was happening when they didn't get any responses. During the breaks, Paul and the nursing student would help prop my legs up to rest. I did have feeling in them and could move on my own, but was usually so wiped from the pushing that it was too much effort to expend on my own. I was also sweating like crazy and kept asking for cold washcloths to put on my neck. On top of that, I was extremely thirsty and kept begging for ice chips during the breaks.

I have no idea how long it was before I started to feel the baby coming out. Paul was watching and told me when he could see the head, an ear, the eyes, etc. At some point, I definitely felt that there was something "hanging out down there" so I assumed we were getting close. I was so tired, I just wanted to be done. Each contraction felt like a pushing marathon. Dr. L had been cheering me on through each push the entire time, phrases like "almost there" and "just a bit harder." As a result, I didn't fully realize what was happening when the baby finally did slide out.

January 21, 2013 - 2:44 p.m.
I had my eyes closed, straining from the effort of pushing, when I heard Dr. L tell me to look up at my baby. I looked up and said "It's a boy!" And then I realized what he was doing and I started laughing and said "He's peeing!" He literally came out peeing all over. And then I started crying. And Paul cried. And we laughed. And we cried some more. And they put him on my chest and I held my baby for the first time.

I had pushed for about an hour and 20 minutes. It felt like an eternity but Dr. L said it was actually very good for a first time mom. I have no idea how some people are able to push for 3 hours. Dr. L showed Paul where to cut the cord. After that, Paul took pictures and I held our baby as long as possible before they took him to be weighed and measured. He was 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches long. The nursing student took our first family picture together. Then, while they got the baby cleaned up, Paul stepped out to share the news with the waiting room crew. We had agreed previously that he would go out and tell them the gender and stats. We would then spend some time together, just the 3 of us, before introducing him and sharing his name with everyone later in our postpartum room.

I vaguely remember Dr. L telling me to push when the placenta was delivered, but I wasn't paying much attention. A little while later, I noticed that she was stitching me up, so I asked how badly I had torn. It was only a grade 2 - not terrible. The epidural was still dripping away, so I didn't feel any of that part. When they were done cleaning me and the baby, they brought him back over so we could do skin-to-skin. The nurse also helped us with our first breastfeeding attempt. Eventually, all the I's had been dotted and all the T's crossed, and it was time for us to leave L&D and get settled in postpartum. Once we were settled and had breastfed again, it was time to meet everyone!

I will leave off here with the story of Nathan's birth. I have lots of other thoughts and observations to share about the whole induction, labor and delivery, and postpartum hospital experience. But I'll wait until I've organized them a bit more in my head before attempting to post. :)

Nathan's Birth - Part Four

***The next chapter in the story of the birth of Nathan***

January 21, 2013 - 9:30 a.m.

Once we decided to move ahead with the epidural, it was suddenly all I could think about. Our nurse for the day shift (Amy) informed me that Anesthesiology had been paged and they would be there as soon as they could, but that it might take 20 minutes or so. In retrospect, I realize that is not a lengthy amount of time. But in the moment, I was convinced I would never make it that long. My contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes and I had rated myself at a 7-8 on their pain scale. Paul was doing everything he could to get me to focus and breathe through them, but I was kind of a mess. Thankfully, it did not end up taking them the full 20 minutes. The anesthesiologist arrived and quickly began setting up for the procedure. Paul had to leave the room since it was going to become a sterile field temporarily. I was so distracted by the pain that I wasn't even upset or nervous about it. 

After he was gone, Amy took over as my contraction support while the anesthesiologist got me prepped and explained the procedure. I remember almost nothing that she said, but I did manage to express my concerns about my adhesive allergy. Typically they use a type of spray adhesive and also apply a large amount of Tegaderm to cover the site and keep everything securely in place. I hadn't had any issues thus far with the paper tape on my IV, but my allergy sometimes takes a day or so to manifest itself after I've been exposed. With everything else going on, I really just wanted to minimize the amount of exposure. The anesthesiologist was very understanding and willing to work with me, which was great. She agreed to use the smallest pieces of Tegaderm available and only apply the bare minimum amount. She also opted to forgo the spray adhesive altogether.

Adhesive issues aside, I don't really remember much else about the procedure. I remember them sitting me up on the edge of the bed and feeling a slight sting when something (a local anesthetic I think?) was injected. The hardest part of it all was trying to stay still while being rocked with massive contractions. They had to do all the tricky parts in between contractions, which was difficult since I was having sometimes 2 or 3 in a row with no break. I do remember Amy standing in front to brace me while I squeezed the daylights out of her arms. Once the tubing was in place, the anesthesiologist administered a test dose and asked me to describe what I felt. Within a few seconds, I started to feel warm and kind of tingly. This was apparently a good thing and she went ahead and administered a larger bolus dose. The anesthesiologist explained that it would last me the first 60-90 minutes, after which I would continue to receive smaller doses through an IV drip. She also gave me a button I could push to give myself an extra "booster" dose if needed. It was programmed to allow no more than one extra booster every 15 minutes. If I was having pain higher than a 2 and the boosters weren't helping, then I was to ask them to page her to come back and adjust my dosing.

As she was explaining all of this, I had a few more contractions. I felt each one less and less as the warm, tingling sensation continued to spread down my legs into my feet and up into my lower back. It was..... amazing. It wasn't even so much the absence of pain that made it so amazing (although I certainly didn't mind that!). It was more that I hadn't realized just how incredibly tense I was, but with the epidural I suddenly felt my entire body relaxing. I felt my breathing slow back down and become more regular. I had heard some people describe feeling out of it or drugged and confused, but I was fortunate to not have any of that. I did feel warm and sort of "fuzzy", but in a cozy sort of way - nothing weird or scary. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions, but almost no pain. The nurse also got me hooked up to a urinary catheter, so that took care of any bathroom needs I might otherwise have had.

As much as I had wanted to avoid the whole epidural thing, I don't regret getting one in the end. I think it was the right decision for us given the circumstances. I made it as far as I could into active labor, which was my goal. I might have been able to keep going if I hadn't gotten stalled at 6.5 cm with no indication as to how much longer things would last. It might also have been different if I were having 100% natural contractions rather than pitocin-induced, but I have nothing to compare to so it's hard to say. If we are lucky enough to have a "next time" it might be completely different. I might go into labor on my own. I might be able to do more walking, which definitely helped me progress. The bottom line is, you just never know how things will go for you. So all I can say is, I'm really glad that we went into this whole thing with an open mind. It is one thing to have preferences, but the best advice I can give to others is to understand and be open to various possibilities. And give yourself permission to change your mind in the moment, if and when it becomes necessary!

January 21, 2013 - 11:30 a.m.

Epidural in place, I was a totally different person! I labored for a couple more hours. And by "labored" I mean that I lounged in the bed, which no longer felt uncomfortable since I now had limited feeling in my lower body :)  By that point, Paul's parents and sister and my friend B had arrived at the hospital. They took turns coming in to say hi and check on us. I had Paul put in a different DVD of Friends and took up munching on ice chips. I don't know if it was just the dry air in the hospital or a side effect of the epidural, but I was thirsty. I had to lay on my side and both my arms were now occupied with IV tubing and a blood pressure cuff, so holding a cup full of ice was getting to be a little tricky. Paul, my mom, and B all took turns feeding me ice chips. That is what spouses/family/best friends are for, right? 

We had a couple of minor interruptions from the nurses - the baby's heart rate sometimes dipped when I was laying on one side or the other for too long, so they would come in and have me flip over while adjusting the monitors to make sure everything was okay. The baby also didn't really like it when I had 3 or more contractions in a row with no break. They said it was probably nothing to worry about, but they were going to keep an eye on things just in case. Aside from that, I found myself getting very, very sleepy. The OB had said to try napping a bit if I could, so a little before noon, I decided it was time to do just that. Everyone retreated to the waiting room except Paul, who was also planning to lay down for a bit. For the first time since arriving at the hospital, I felt peaceful and calm... and I actually did fall asleep for a bit!

Nathan's Birth - Part Three

***The on-going story of Nathan's birth***

January 21, 2013 - 6:30 a.m.

After another hour or so of pacing the halls, Autumn took us back to the room so that one of the attending physicians could check me and determine whether or not another attempt should be made to break my water. The on-call attending was not my primary OB, but I had seen her a few times in the clinic over the duration of my pregnancy and really liked her. She promised to make the exam as quick and painless as possible. Fortunately, my walking had paid off this time and she announced I was 5 cm! I rated my pain at a 4 and the contractions were coming pretty regularly every 2-3 minutes or so. She asked if I wanted an epidural yet and I said no. She then said it was time to try breaking my water again, but assured me it would be quick and easy this time. The added dilation had allowed my cervix to move into position and she could easily grasp the membranes. I was still a bit nervous after the last two attempts, but it was over almost before I knew what was happening. As soon as she snagged the hole, a TON of fluid came rushing out. The nurse got me cleaned up a bit and gave me a pair of mesh underwear and a pad to wear from then on in case more fluid came out. It was a good thing she did too because every time I moved or stood, more fluid would run down my leg. I felt like I was peeing uncontrollably all over myself :)

The OB explained that things might start to pick up even more now that my bag was broken. She thought that if I kept progressing at the same rate, I might be ready to push by lunch time. We asked if we should call our families yet and she said yes (once they were ready to go, it would take them at least an hour if not longer to get downtown, depending on traffic). Paul started calling and texting our parents and the godparents (whom we had invited to come to the hospital as well). His phone was acting up a bit, so I offered to call my mom when he didn't get a response right away from her or my dad. I was still able to speak on the phone, although I had to pause and breathe through the contractions as they came. Mom said they would be on their way shortly.

Once everyone had been notified, I told Paul I wanted to try walking some more. It seemed to be helping me progress, so I wanted to keep it up as much as possible. Unfortunately, I was still leaking fluid. The mesh-undies-and-pad combo were NOT helping much. Every step I took across the room left another puddle on the floor. Paul was running around throwing absorbent bed pads, towels, and whatever else he could find on the floor to keep us from slipping in it. It was actually quite comical. Eventually, we gave up on trying to go for a walk right then and returned to laboring on the ball. Around that time, a midwife stopped by to check on us and offer advice/assistance. She watched me through a couple of contractions and seemed impressed that I was doing so well on the pitocin with no painkillers. She gave me a few suggestions for positions to try, and demonstrated a couple of counter-pressure techniques that Paul could use on me. I vaguely remembered some of them from the class we took, but it is surprising how fuzzy those details become when you are in the throes of it all :)

January 21, 2013 - 7:15 a.m.

The OB who broke my water was getting ready to go off-shift, so she stopped by one last time to check on me and offer encouragement. I was 6.5 cm - I had progressed another 1.5 cm in 45 minutes! She asked again if I wanted anything for the pain. The contractions were definitely getting stronger, but I was so encouraged by the swift progress that I wanted to keep going. She assured me I was doing great and to keep it up.

January 21, 2013 - 8:00 a.m.

My parents arrived at the hospital and called back to the room to see if I wanted them to stop by. I told Paul that was fine, so they came on back. I wasn't really able to talk with them much. The contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes, and in some cases, were coming back-to-back with no break in between. It was taking all of my focus and concentration to get through them. Paul was wonderful through it all. In addition to helping me sit, stand, squat, and/or sway, he kept talking to me in a soothing voice and reminding me to breathe. He also watched the monitor each time and told me when the peak was over and the contraction was starting to recede. 

January 21, 2013 - 8:45 a.m.

The day shift OB attending, the one who would likely be delivering my baby, came in after shift-change to check on me and see if there had been any progress. Her name was Dr. L and I had seen her once or twice in the clinic as well. It had been a pretty intense hour and a half since my last check, so I was expecting to hear more good news about my progress. I was starting to wonder if I could keep it up much longer without drugs, but I figured I had to be getting closer. My parents stepped out so she could do the exam. Unfortunately, the news was not encouraging. I was still at 6.5 cm. I had just endured an hour and a half of very strong, very frequent contractions, and nothing had changed. That was pretty much when I lost it. I think I actually started crying. Needless to say, that did nothing to help me through the contractions and I commenced writhing about the bed in pain and struggling to get my breathing under control. 

Dr. L fixed a compassionate but firm gaze on me and asked again whether I wanted to consider anything for the pain. She carefully explained that there was no way for her to tell me how much longer I would need to labor. I might start progressing again soon, or it might be several more hours. She said that it was important for me to find a way to "chill out" for a couple of reasons: 1) I was becoming so tense during the contractions that it was possible my own body was working against itself and preventing further dilation as a result. In order to keep dilating, I needed to be able to relax a little; and 2) She was convinced that the baby was on the larger side (8-9 pounds), so I was going to need my strength in order to push. She didn't want me completely exhausting myself so that I had nothing left over when it came time. She recommended that I consider either an epidural or some kind of IV painkiller. She was very clear that she was not pressuring me and that the decision was totally mine to make. Nevertheless, she wanted me to understand the impact either way so that we could make an informed choice about how to proceed.

I looked at Paul and tearfully admitted that I wasn't sure I could keep going in that state. I was no longer in control of my contractions - they were controlling me. There was no way to know if or when I would progress again. And on top of it all, hearing that there had been no progress in the previous 90 minutes had the effect of pulling the rung out from under me. I felt utterly defeated and discouraged. I was slightly (okay - maybe a lot) disappointed. But mostly I was just exhausted. I had been in labor for 9 hours. I had gotten no sleep and had had nothing to eat. Despite the promising start to it all, there wasn't much of a light at the end of the tunnel. I vaguely overhead Dr. L mention something about being able to take a nap if I got the epidural and that pretty much sold me on it. All I wanted to do was sleep and not be tortured anymore.

I weakly muttered my consent and Paul nodded at the doctor in confirmation. I think he could tell I had reached the end of my rope. I started crying even more; he hugged me and assured me that I was doing great and that it wasn't the end of the world for me to get the drugs. My parents, who had stepped out during the exam, came back in to get their belongings and relocate to the waiting room. In my pain-induced state, I misunderstood their presence and tried to say something along the lines of "you'll have to leave because they won't even let Paul stay in here for the epidural." But the contractions were coming one after another at that point, so all I managed to say was "Get out!" Paul says it was my only truly ugly moment during the entire labor process. My parents, however, were not offended in the least and assured me they had a good laugh about it afterwards :)

Nathan's Birth - Part Two

***The continued story of Nathan's birth***

January 21, 2013 - 1:30 a.m.

After dozing off and on for about an hour or so (rather uncomfortably) I decided to try and roll over. In the process, I felt the balloon catheter slide out. They had said I would definitely know when that happened and they were right - it felt kind of like when a super-saturated tampon decides to self-eject (sorry - that's really gross - but then again, this is a birth story so there's probably going to be a lot of gross details!). Paul was sleeping (snoring - actually!) in the corner so I had to yell a bit to get his attention. He got up and pressed the call button for me so we could notify the nurse. A few minutes later, she and the OB resident appeared and confirmed that the balloon was out and I was dilated to 2.5 cm. Woohoo!

The next step was to try breaking my water. I was a bit fuzzy on how they go about doing this so I asked for details. The nurse proceeded to show me a long instrument that looked exactly like a knitting needle. This is apparently what they use to "snag" the membranes and tear a hole. Who knew? Anyway, I didn't have much time to think about it because the next thing I knew, the resident had her fingers ALL THE WAY up inside me trying to locate my cervix. My cervix, however, did not wish to be found. It was apparently very high and posterior still, so before she could even insert the needle thing, she had to grope around and try to pull the membranes down through the cervix. At least that was my interpretation of what she said. It was kind of hard to concentrate with what felt like her entire fist inside my vagina, twisting and pulling and poking around. At this point I was clutching Paul's hand had a death grip on Paul's hand and was begging him to distract me. I was a little concerned too - if breaking my water was this painful, how bad was actual labor going to be??

Eventually they decided to stop the torture and start the pitocin instead. She explained that they would give me a couple hours on the pitocin and then try again. Hopefully, during that time, my cervix would decide to cooperate and move into proper position. The good news, however, was that the baby's head was quite low and engaged! The nurse (Autumn) got out the pitocin and added some more tubing to my IV. I asked if I would feel the contractions get stronger immediately and she explained that they would start me out at the lowest dose and slowly turn it up as needed. She said I should still try to sleep, if possible, and they would be back to check on me in a couple of hours... Since I was wide awake after the extreme groping attempted water-breaking, I had Paul put in one of my Friends DVDs. He laid back down for a bit.

January 21, 2013 - 2:30 a.m.
After about an hour of flipping through a magazine and listening to Friends in the background, I decided I needed to get up. I was definitely feeling some contractions, but they weren't terrible yet. Mostly I was just uncomfortable in the hospital bed and feeling restless. Autumn was on a break so the nurse covering for her came to set me up with the mobile monitoring system. It took a bit of finagling (and changing of batteries) but we were eventually freed from our room to roam the halls with an IV pole draped in wires and tubing. Paul walked along with me and we fell into a somewhat predictable pattern. The hall was U-shaped with our room on one end. Each time we would make it from one end up to the opposite corner of the U, a contraction would begin. Most of the time I could keep moving through it, albeit slowly. But occasionally it would be intense enough that I would have to stop and brace myself against the wall or Paul and breathe through it. Neither of us had remembered to grab our phones or watches so I can't say for sure, but I estimate that the contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting about a minute in duration.

We kept on pacing, slowly but steadily, for over an hour. A couple of times they had us come back to the room to re-position the monitors. The fetal heart rate monitor was picking up fine, but they were having trouble with the one that was supposed to track my contractions. On one trip down the hall, we passed by a random older woman from housekeeping services who was pulling things out of her cart. Without looking up or making any sort of opening statement, she simply asked "How's that baby boy doing?" It caught us rather off guard and we explained that we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. She just smiled, nodded her head slightly, and said "You know, I'm always right about these things." As she pushed her cart on down the hall, Paul and I looked at each other and laughed. It almost seemed like a dream at that point - the middle of the night, the darkened hallway, the random, gender-predicting stranger. It was kind of surreal :)

January 21, 2013 - 4:30 a.m.
After about two hours of intermittent pacing and monitor-checking, Autumn came to escort us back to our room so they could check me and try breaking my water again. The resident (whose name I couldn't pronounce) did the exam and declared me to be... 2.5 cm. Still. They asked about my pain level on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being no pain, 10 being just-had-a-limb-amputated-with-no-anesthetic, and 4-5 being "I can't do this much longer"). I rated it around a 3 and said I wasn't ready to discuss an epidural yet. Walking really was helping me cope with the contractions and I was determined to keep it up!

But first things first: round 2 of attempted water-breaking. Paul hovered over my head and tried to distract me with descriptions of Maui from our honeymoon. I made a number of nail marks in his hand and even cried out a few times as the resident rummaged around my nether regions to no avail. Round 2 = fail :( My cervix was still high and posterior. The baby, however, was at zero station (yay for some good news!). After apologizing profusely, she said they were going to increase the pitocin slightly and see if the attending physician (one of the OBs from my group practice) wanted to come try.

Meanwhile, they said I could keep walking if I felt up to it. Unfortunately, the contraction monitor still wasn't working so we got stalled in the room for a bit longer while they looked for a different machine and/or new batteries. Laying in bed was the last thing I felt like doing, so we asked Autumn to bring us a birthing ball. We spent the next hour trying out different positions on the ball. Every few contractions or so, I would stand and rock through it using Paul for support. The intensity was gradually increasing, but I was still feeling in control...



 

Nathan's Birth - Part One

I would like to be able to sit down and write this out in one (LONG) post, but let's be honest:  that is not going to happen. So instead, I'm going to just start writing a little bit at a time and see how far I get before a) Nathan decides it is time to eat/poop/pee/request a snuggle, or b) I get distracted and lose my train of thought. It is important to me to record as many details as possible (before I forget them!), in addition to my thoughts and observations on it all. 

So, here we go...

January 20, 2013 - Daytime
My friend B texted me in the afternoon and asked, "So... what does one do on the day one is scheduled to be induced?" It was a valid question. My goals for the day included sleeping in (for the last time in a very long time!), going to my favorite frozen custard place with our parents, taking a nice long bath, and eating plenty of carbs for energy :) I think I accomplished all of that. Paul and I also attempted to take a nap, but by that point, the anticipation was really starting to build so we probably only dozed for 30 minutes or so. We had a nice pasta dinner with my parents (my dad had arrived that afternoon) and I was careful to not overeat. They had said that I could eat/drink normally up until we got to the hospital, so I wanted to take advantage of that! Around 9:00 p.m., Paul finished loading everything into the car while I got changed and took a few pictures with my parents. Most of our bags had been packed and ready to go for the last month, so it was easy to collect any last minute items and add them in. We were in the car and backing out of the driveway by about 9:15-9:20. My parents were going to stay the night at our house and try to sleep before heading to the hospital in the morning (or whenever Paul told them it was time to come). The ride to the hospital was surreal. I kept having flashbacks to similar rides into the city for our egg retrieval and embryo transfer days. We held hands and discussed our top contenders for names.

January 20, 2013 - 10:20 p.m.
We arrived at the hospital. Paul dropped me off, along with a couple of bags, and went to park the car. I got checked in at L&D triage, which felt a bit like checking into a hotel. Weird! They put on my wristband at that point and I became very aware that I was now a "patient" in the hospital. This may not sound like a big deal to anyone else, but I've never been a hospital in-patient before. Furthermore, I work at the hospital where I delivered. I'm used to seeing patients and talking about patients... I'm not used to actually being the patient. Paul met me inside the L&D triage waiting area and we headed up the elevators to the L&D floor. They took my paperwork and said to have a seat while they paged the induction nurse to let her know I was there.

January 20, 2013 - 10:30 p.m.
The induction nurse came and took us back to our room (#893). I needed to use the restroom, so she had me go ahead and give my urine sample and get changed into my gown. I had brought a couple of sports bras that I planned to wear during labor, but she suggested I go without if I was planning to breastfeed right away since it might be tricky to remove later with the IV and monitors, etc. Point taken. Once I was dressed (or less dressed, technically) she got me onto the bed to start the check-in and pre-induction process. She was very nice and we were able to review our birth "preferences" and concerns about my adhesive allergy as it pertained to the use of paper tape/bandaids/Tegaderm, and the whole epidural thing. She started an IV for fluids (it was very dry in the hospital) and was careful to use as little tape as possible. She also hooked me up to the monitors and went over the general process with us. Then, one of the doctors (the OB resident for the evening) came in to do an internal exam and insert the balloon catheter. I wouldn't say that it was the most comfortable procedure ever, but at least for me it felt similar to the HSG or SSG tests. The resident seemed impressed that I "barely made a peep" while she was doing it.

January 20, 2013 - 11:45 p.m.
Once the balloon catheter was in, she explained that it would stay in place for up to 6 hours (or until it came out on its own - whichever happened first). If, after 6 hours, it hadn't come out yet and/or I wasn't any further dilated, they would take it out, put in a second one, and try again. She said that I would start to feel cramps that would come and go as my cervix (hopefully) began to dilate. It was around that time that the induction nurse handed us off to our L&D night nurse, Autumn. Autumn introduced herself, checked my vitals, and encouraged us to try to get some sleep for a bit. She said she would be back to check on us later, but to call if we needed anything or if the catheter came out on its own before then. Paul made up his bed on the pull-out couch in the corner while I tried to get comfortable. Easier said than done in a labor bed with an IV in one hand and a saline-filled balloon in my cervix... Nevertheless, I had Paul put on a CD of piano music that I like and turn down the lights. I closed my eyes and worked on taking deep, slow breaths when the cramping started. The piano music played in the background, along with the whooshing sounds of my baby's heartbeat on the monitor. I might not have done much actual sleeping, but I think I at least dozed a bit...