Benched

Well it's official... this cycle has been postponed. AF finally made her appearance last week, almost 3.5 weeks later than anticipated. As a result, the transfer would have been either right before or during the time that we'll be on vacation. After talking it over with one of the nurses, we agreed that it just wasn't feasible. Even if they could have guaranteed that it would happen before we're scheduled to hit the road (which they couldn't), it would have been a crazy/stressful 2 week wait that would have totally ruined vacation.

Am I sad? Yes. Disappointed? Very. Frustrated. You betcha. But there's not a lot that anyone - myself included - can do about it. And that's something I'm still trying to accept, even after all these years on the fertility roller coaster. Control is a very difficult thing to let go of in any area of life. I'm definitely more Type A than not, and control is something I do not have when it comes to building our family. I can make decisions and I can try different things, but I can't control the process any more than I can control the outcome(s). About the only thing I can do is control my reaction. In this case, when AF didn't show up right away, I had a feeling this cycle might be delayed. I started making a conscious effort to "Let Go and Let God". While that's much easier said than done, I do think that reminding myself of that concept every time my mind tried to wander off the deep end was helpful.

In any case, I suppose it's good to have reached a decision to delay the cycle. We'll see when AF chooses to come in July, which may determine how soon after vacation we can get started again. It may be August, or it may be September. No one really knows at this point, and I am learning to be okay with that, one day at a time.

Meanwhile, what's a girl to do? For starters, I'm returning my attention to overall health and well-being. We've been trying to eat better in general lately, and in addition we're both doing some training to prepare for vacation hiking and biking. I haven't yet found a new acupuncturist (since mine moved to Utah), but I'm hoping to tackle that in July. And lastly, I'm determined to enjoy this summer with N. There are so many great things to do and see and experience in the summer where we live, and I want to make the most of it. After all, this is his life too. I don't want the stress and drama of cycling to detract from the memories we could be making with our original miracle baby :)