Today was transfer day. I never really posted anything this time around. After my last-minute meltdown about cycling during the holidays, I sort of shut down about it. I went back on the pill sometime in early January, and started Lupron later in the month. Honestly it was a frustrating cycle for me. I felt like my RE's office wasn't really doing a great job communicating with me, and there were a lot of hiccups with scheduling and medication instructions. Thank goodness this wasn't my first IF rodeo - I can't imagine what someone who was new to cycling would have done with all that confusion.
At my first monitoring visit, my lining wasn't where they wanted it to be (I think they said it should be over 7 cm and it was more like 5.5 or so). The IVF nurse had me add an estrace vaginally every night (in addition to the 3 per day orally I was already taking), and return for additional monitoring last week. Fortunately, it did the trick and I was not only back on track but exceeding the minimum necessary. No one called me after my visit last Wednesday to confirm if I should start my remaining medications (steroid, antibiotic, PIO, vaginal progesterone) so I started it anyway. More sloppy communication from my RE's team (I did eventually get a call the following day). Then yesterday the IVF nurse called again to give me the schedule for today.
We were to arrive by noon - me with a full bladder. We got there around 11:45 and they too us back shortly after noon. My bladder was so full they let me fill/discard a cup before getting changed. The embryologist came in and we signed all the paperwork to transfer a single, grade 1AA embryo. Then I took my Valium and settled down with a warm blanket (love those warm blankets!) to stare at the ceiling and wait. And pray. And work on deep breathing.
The transfer itself went pretty quickly once they got started. The u/s tech had me pee another 2 cups since my bladder was actually TOO full when she checked. Then they got me arranged and draped. Dr. B came in, inserted the speculum, and cleaned my cervix (I don't remember that tickling so much before but I definitely started cracking up... maybe the Valium?). Then they turned on the TV screen and showed us our embryo. I think I made some comment about it looking like something out of Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs & Ham (Valium, again?). There was also a scratch or something on the petri dish that we all agreed looked like a giant grasshopper about to eat the embryo. Everyone was in a rather jolly mood (or else I was just that drugged). The catheter went in, the ultrasound picked up the image, the catheter came out, and the lab gave the all-clear. Over and done.
Now that we're home, I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. Maybe nothing? I want to feel hope, but that seems too dangerous. Peace would be nice, but I'm not sure that's true yet. I'm glad it's over with, for now at least. I'm sure as my beta day (March 4) approaches, I'll start to feel more anxiety. But for now I'm just glad to have the transfer finished. I'll remain on the estrace, PIO, and endometrin. I wish there was some way to know if it will be worth it. The injections are (literally) a pain in the butt - it hurts to sit on anything hard. The endometrin is just gross and I dread developing a yeast infection. I don't mind putting up with all of that, but it will really suck if the end result is another BFN.
Dear itty-bitty, tiny, little embryo (a.k.a. Shrimp, as we're calling you)... Please snuggle in nice and cozy and hold on tight.
Dear God... Please help us to accept whatever comes of this cycle.
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