Nathan is 6 months old today! In many ways - I find that hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday we were driving to the hospital, late on a Sunday night, to check in for my induction. At the same time, he has grown and changed so much in those 6 months. Likewise, we have grown and changed so much as parents. Those first few weeks at home were insane. There was no schedule and every time he made a peep we were like "OMG - what do you think he wants now???" Thankfully, we all survived those early days, and things are much less chaotic now. Yes, he can still throw us for a loop every now and then (like when he's teething or having a growth spurt). But in general, he has a pretty regular schedule these days. He does things at approximately the same time each day, and in a fairly predictable order. He is a little person now. Not that he wasn't a person when he was born, but now he has so much personality. He laughs and makes all kinds of noises and smiles all the time. He interacts with us, and that is just so cool.
Sadly though, tonight is my first night away from him. In six months I have never gone longer than maybe 10-12 hours away from him, at most. I left this morning for a work trip to the Washington, D.C. area, and I will be gone until late Tuesday night. That's 2.5 days or approximately 60 hours! On top of that, Paul is on shift today, so that means neither of us is home with him tonight. It's his first, official sleepover with Gramma and Grampa (my in-laws). That is, they are sleeping over at our house with him (not the other way around). I'm sure they are all doing fine, and I know they (the grandparents) were really excited about it. But I'm still really nervous. He's still in a bit of a teething phase, so the nights can be a bit rough. I really hope he does okay for them tonight! And no, I don't really expect them to follow every last instruction I left for them to a T. But I am a little worried about his schedule - they tend to be a bit loose with things when they babysit, and it has been known to throw him off a bit... Oh well. Nothing I can really do about it. I just keep reminding myself that the important thing is that he's alive and (relatively) happy when his Daddy gets home tomorrow morning. And I'm sure they can handle that :) If he has a bad night or his schedule gets off, it won't be the end of the world. It just might make for an interesting day with Daddy tomorrow - ha!
Aside from trying not to worry too much, I'm also feeling a little sad. I miss my little guy! I was doing okay up until this evening, but now it is really hitting me that we are apart. I think the hardest thing for me is imagining what he might think. Does he miss me? Does he wonder where I am? What about when he wakes up for his early morning feeding? He has gotten lots of bottles at different time-points throughout the day, but I have always nursed him at the early morning feeding. It's our special little time together. We cuddle and rock and he nurses himself back to sleep. On weekends, if Daddy is on shift, I often nurse him in bed at that time, and then we both snuggle and snooze together. What will he think when someone comes into his room tomorrow morning and tries to give him a non-snuggly bottle? Will he be mad? Will he think I left him?
I'm aware that I'm over-analyzing this, and that in all likelihood, he will not think these things. He might be confused and he might not take the bottle well at that time of the morning (or maybe he will?), but he won't be laying there thinking "Mommy abandoned me! Mommy is never coming back!"
Sigh. I'm doing fine though, really. I'm not a basket case. I'm not sobbing or obsessively calling and texting my in-laws. And I will be even better tomorrow when Paul is home with him and we can skype after my workshop is done for the day. It won't be so bad. In the meantime, I have a hotel room all to myself and I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I have magazines (which have been piling up for months!), my relaxing piano music CD, and a lavender bath bomb that I've been saving for a time to enjoy it. For the next couple of days, I can do what I want, when I want to do it. I can eat out, read in bed, or take a dip in the hotel hot tub. I have no responsibilities (aside from the workshop). It's a weird feeling...
I'll have more to write soon. In particular, I'm planning a post all about traveling/pumping sans baby. I should have some good stories when it's all said and done!
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