Belly Touchers

So now that the bump is getting more obvious (I had several comments about it at work this week) it is time to start preparing for the Belly Touchers.  This is something that all of my friends-who-have-been-pregnant have warned me about, and they all have had different reactions to it.  Obviously, everyone is going to have their own opinions, and that makes sense.  We all have different size "bubbles" when it comes to personal space.  And we all have different ideas of what is acceptable social conduct and what is not.

• My friend MG was the first in a group of friends to have a baby, so naturally, we were all quite curious.  She is a touchy-feely, always-giving-hugs type of person, but has always been very self conscious about her own body-issues.  At her shower (she was approximately 7 months pregnant at the time) she was uncomfortable with the whole belly-touching thing.  She did let us touch it (we've all been friends since preschool - we're the "been-there-done-it-all-seen-that-before kind of friends) but she was squirmy and skittish the whole time.
• My friend Danielle (same group of friends) had a baby this February.  At her shower, last December, she was all about the belly touching.  A couple of us actually sat with our hands glued to it for 10 minutes or so waiting to feel the baby kick.  There were lots of group shots with her in the middle and all of us surrounding with our hands on the belly.
• Then there was my office-mate, Anne.  Anne just had a baby in April and throughout her entire pregnancy, she lived in constant fear of the Belly Touchers.  Her rule was:  Always Ask Permission First.  There were some people she didn't want touching it at all (i.e. strangers on the bus, people she doesn't know on a personal level at work) but even amongst her inner circle, she appreciated and encouraged the permission-first approach.  She also had a rather traumatic experience when someone in our office (who is known for frequently invading people's bubbles and has made more than a few of us, pregnant or not, uncomfortable at times) walked up to her in the hallway and jabbed (yes, jabbed) her belly whilst making the Pillsbury DoughBoy sound.  Anne was so angered by that experience she could hardly speak.

These are just a few of the recent examples I can think of that demonstrate how widely varied everyone's preferences and reactions can be.  So... where do I stand?  I guess I don't really know.  I think I'm okay with the touching, but it definitely depends on the person and the circumstances.  I think I would have a hard time with a stranger touching it, permission or not, because I just don't find that socially acceptable behavior.  If they wouldn't have a reason to touch me otherwise, I don't see why having a pregnant belly changes anything.  Close friends and family would be fine.  I don't think I even really need them to ask permission.  Part of me thinks that because I've waited so long to have this belly, I'm excited and eager to share it with those who've supported me along the way.  Anyone else who falls anywhere between stranger and close friend/family, I think I would be open to it but would definitely appreciate permission first.  And if it is someone I know but am uncomfortable with, I hope I would have the confidence to say no.

I chose to write this post because I've already had a few encounters with the Belly Touchers.  The first was actually Paul's grandfather in Michigan.  That was a little awkward and weird because I don't really know him all that well (we see them maybe once a year) and because, at that point, there wasn't anything to touch yet!  It also caught me totally off guard so I had no chance to prepare for it.  Then last weekend, my cousin Jay (who is 9) kept coming up and poking it.  Hard to mind that since he's still a kid and mostly just curious.  But this week at work, I had my first non-close-friend-or-family encounter.  Oddly enough, it was my HR lady!  I had to laugh because I'm pretty sure, in the HR world, that isn't really considered appropriate contact.  But I've known here for 6 years now and have always had a good working relationship with her, so although it was funny, I didn't really mind.  And in her case, I knew what was about to happen and I was prepared for it. 

So all this to say, I wanted to write a post so I could sort out my thoughts on the whole matter.  Like so many things in life (and in pregnancy/parenthood in particular), there is no right or wrong.  It all comes down to your own personal preference.  You have to know how you feel about it, and know that whatever you decide is okay.  Are people going to offer their opinions and maybe even be offended by yours?  Probably.  But at the end of the day, this is not about them.  This is about you, your baby, and your body. 

And speaking of the belly, I said I would post another bump shot, so here it is:

"The Bump" at 15 weeks & 5 days 

[Not the best quality picture but it'll do]