Bad "Blogger" :(

I finally logged in today (a good 2+ months after my initial entry) and fully admit that I suck at blogging. Its not that I really aspire to true blogger status. In fact, if no one ever reads this, I will be quite fine with that (please refer to my initial post as to why I am doing this in the first place). It is more that I am disappointed in myself. I do like to imagine myself as a writer, so as clearly outlined in that first entry, I should be writing daily.

In my defense, I have been writing. Just not on here. I am in grad school at the moment, so between that and work, I actually do a fair amount of writing on a semi-regular basis. Maybe I'll even start posting some of my papers on here as proof that I write! Its a lame excuse, though, I realize. I have no other excuse except that these last couple of months have been surprisingly busy. When 2010 first began, I was actually feeling a bit panicky as I saw month after empty month stretching onward in my brand new calendar (Don't you love new calendars? I do. And office supplies? But I digress...). I didn't know what to do with all that unplanned time! For the first time since, well, ever, I had no plans, no events, no vacations, not even a haircut scheduled! It was very disconcerting.

But I needn't have worried. Things began to pick up, gradually at first. A movie night here; a dentist appointment there. Even a trip down south to visit family. And in late February, shortly after I started this blog, my husband and I spent a long weekend in Michigan. We saw a show, visited some more family, and in general had a really great time... until I got sick. The nasty stomach flu. That stuff is pure evil. I'll apologize in advance for what I'm about to write: I hate to vomit. I hate all words used to describe the process (Have you ever stopped to think about it? There are actually several synonyms for the word vomit. I've thought of at least 10. Why do we need all of these?). But seriously, I really, REALLY hate to vomit. I avoid it at all costs. I've mastered the skill of talking myself out of it. You know those people who say they actually feel better after they've done it? Lies! I don't believe it for a second. I have never once felt even the slightest bit better after I've vomited. If anything, I usually feel worse. I despise it so much that I can literally remember every one of the few isolated incidents in which it has occurred in my life.

I'll end my tirade against the act of vomiting now as I think I've made my point. All this to say, I got the stomach flu at the very end of our trip to Michigan. I vomited at least 3 times before we'd left the state. Did I mention I had class that night after we got home? Did I mention that I was giving a presentation in class that night, and definitely could not miss it? Let's just say I did make it through the presentation before getting up to run out of the classroom (Side note: It should be a law that there be a bathroom on EVERY floor of EVERY building. No one should every have to endure the extra torture of waiting for, and then riding, an elevator to another floor just to vomit). Assuming I have grossed you out enough at this point, I'll conclude by saying that the first week of March this year was one of the worst I've had in a long while. I think it was bad enough that I may not even have to succumb to that vile act for another 20 or 30 years!

So that, in addition to grad school, work, and what has finally become a rather full agenda for the year, is partly to blame for why I have been such a miserable failure as a blogger thus far (P.S. I'm thinking I want to change that word to "bloggist" instead... It sounds more professional, yes?). I say those things are only partly to blame because the other cause of my delinquency is that I am a teensy bit afraid. There, I've said it now. There is a little part of me that wants this all to be just perfect, for each and every entry I make to be witty, thoughtful, candid, maybe even insightful... And I need to get over that and just write. I think that the only way anything I write could ever fulfill any of those criteria is if I just don't try so hard to make it happen. So, that is my new goal. I am going to write (maybe not every single day) and just see what comes of it. I will not beat myself up if, for example, I end up rambling for a good while about the atrocities of vomit. I will not continue to grade my bloggerability (yes, another word I've made up).

I. Will. Just. Write.