Vacation!!!

Just a quick post to say that I might be a bit MIA this next week. We are curently 11 hours into a 15+ hour road trip with a 2.5 month-old... We might be crazy.

We are on our way to meet my parents for vacation in Virginia for a week. This will also be my last week before returning to work :( So needless to say, I will be trying to enjoy every last minute of it!

I will, however, try to take some fun pictures to post of our first official family vacation :)

Cabin Fever

When I first learned that I would be having a baby mid-January, I thought "Great! I'll get to stay home and hibernate for the first 6 weeks or so while the weather is crappy. And then, when the baby is old enough to be out and about more, it will be starting to get nicer and we'll go for walks and enjoy the sunshine..." And then winter decided to hang around way later than usual and put a damper on those plans. We've had probably no more than 3-4 semi-nice days (and by that I mean temperatures above freezing and at least a bit of sunshine) when we've been able to venture out for a walk around the neighborhood. I bundle Nathan up in what we've dubbed his "ewok suit" and strap him into his carseat with the insulated boot. Between the canopy on the carseat and the canopy on the jogging stroller, he is sufficiently ensconced and protected from the wind. So we've managed to squeeze in a few walks, but no where near as many as I thought we would do. We will be going to Virginia for vacation in a little over a week, so I'm hoping we will have better weather there.

In the meantime, I've developed some serious cabin fever. I've never been good at staying home for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong - I like being home as a family. And when we were just a couple, I secretly kind of enjoyed the occasional weekend when Paul was on shift and I could have the house to myself to do whatever I wanted. But too many days in a row of that and I tend to get depressed. Especially in the winter when it gets dark so early in the evenings. I have gotten much more comfortable taking Nathan out in public by myself, but there are only so many errands that need to be run in a week. And at some point, hauling the carseat and diaper bag, in and out of the car, over and over again, gets tiring. Particularly when doing so in the snow/rain/sleet. I'm ready for it to be nice out. I'm ready to go places and do things without having to bundle up. And a tiny little part of me is starting to feel ready for some aspects of work... Allow me to elaborate.

I like my job. I like (most of) my co-workers. In fact, many of the people I consider "friends" in this area are people from work. Unfortunately, they all live in the city. So while on maternity leave, I've been very isolated from most of these friends. We text and email and Facebook, but it isn't the same. That being said, I'm also very sad that I'll be going back to work in 2.5 weeks. I've loved having this time to bond with my little man and I don't want him to grow up too fast. But I would be lying if I said that I wish he was a newborn still. Newborns are precious and snuggly and all sorts of wonderful things. But they also don't do much other than sleep and eat. Now that Nathan is 2 months old, he has so much more personality. He's laughing and smiling and cooing and interacting with us and his environment. He's changing every day - learning new "tricks" and discovering new things. It's really fun to be a part of this. And that is what I'll be sad to miss. At the same time, I'm eager to develop more of a routine. I'm looking forward to spending some time with other adults. And I'm excited to see him spend more one-on-one time with Paul. I think that once we get over the adjustment period, things will be okay.

That isn't to say that I won't have some sort of nervous breakdown the weekend before I go back to work... But on a positive note, I did finally talk to my boss about my schedule for when I go back. For the past 4 years, I've been doing 4 10-hour days (Tuesday-Friday). That isn't going to be possible now that I have a baby. For one thing, I would barely see him on those 4 days. And on the days he will go to daycare (1-2 times a week), it wouldn't work out logistically for me to drop him off, drive into the city, work for 10 hours, drive home, and pick him up before they close for the day. As much as I have loved having Mondays off, it just won't work going forward. At the same time, I didn't really want to commit to 5 days' worth of driving back and forth to the city. So, I came up with a compromise that allows me to work from home 2 days a week (Monday & Thursday) and be in the office the other 3 days. Since my boss doesn't really care what my exact hours are, I can do longer days at home and/or shorter days at the office in order to accommodate the daycare schedule on days when Paul is on shift. On his off days, Paul will take care of Nathan at home, which means I will still get to see him if it's a Monday or Thursday. It'll take some getting used to for sure, but I'm really happy about the arrangement.

This post has gotten longer than I originally intended, and I need to find something to eat before Nathan wakes up, so I'll close with a picture:

Little ewok.

Two Months Old!

Just a quick note to share a few updates:

• Yesterday was Nathan's 2 month birthday AND his 2 month check-up.
• He is now 9 pounds (up exactly 1 pound from last month) and 23 inches long (1 inch longer than last month). He's still on the lower end of the spectrum for weight and above average for length. But he is making steady progress on his growth curve, so they aren't concerned.
• He had a MAJOR meltdown on the way into the doctor's office. It was really weird - we've never seen him like that. He sometimes gets really mad and does his "bloody murder" scream, but this was bordering on hysterical. He had just napped in the car for 45 minutes, ate, and had his diaper changed. The only thing we could think that might be causing it was a really bad gas bubble? Either that or he knew that he was going to get shots! It was bizarre. He eventually calmed down, but they kept asking us if he was colicky (which he is not).
• He was a trooper when it came time for the shots. He fussed more than last month, which is fair considering he got 4 this time as opposed to just 1 last month :( But he really did great and calmed back down pretty quickly. They warned us he might spike a bit of a fever, which he did last night. We gave him some acetaminophen and it came down overnight. It was up a bit again this morning, so he got another dose and is now sleeping in his swing. He's also not been eating like normal, but they said that could happen and he should be feeling better again by tomorrow at the latest.

Here's his 2 month picture from yesterday morning (when he was still his happy, cheerful, bright-eyed-and-busy-tailed self):

Surviving the Early Weeks: What Did (and Did Not) Work for Us

Now that Nathan is 8+ weeks old, I feel like we've made it over the first "hump" of life with a baby. Lots of people said that the first 6 weeks are the hardest, and while I don't have much experience beyond that point yet, I do think there is something to be said for getting through those first 6 weeks. Do we have a solid routine that never varies? Of course not. Are there still crazy nights and moments when things seem to fall apart? Definitely. But in general, I feel like we have gotten to know and understand this little person so much better. We recognize which cry means "hungry" and which means "I'm tired and crabby and need help calming down before I start to scream bloody murder." We are starting to develop a schedule of sorts, and the predictability and sense of routine make it easier to anticipate and respond to his needs.

Throughout these early weeks, we've tried different techniques and utilized different tools (for lack of a better word), and we've more or less figured out which things work for us... and which ones do not. Every baby and every family is different, so I am by no means suggesting that this list is the secret to success for everyone. But one thing I found helpful was reading similar posts and suggestions by others who have been in this stage before (or are in it currently). I think it's great to share ideas and offer as many perspectives as possible. You never when something that you have tried might just be the thing that works for someone else. So in that spirit, here are some of my thoughts and observations...

****************Swaddling****************

The nurses swaddled Nathan in the hospital and it seemed to work well, so we kept it up when we first brought him home. There are lots of ways to swaddle, and I don't know what the different methods are called, but the way we learned resulted in his legs being bound up so that they bent at the knee (like a frog). And then around Day 4 or so, my mom and I released him from the swaddle to let him stretch and kick around on his lion mat. And that was more or less the end of the swaddle. Whenever we tried to reinstate it, he appeared to oppose the idea violently (and loudly) so we concluded he was done with being swaddled. We did, however, start using a Halo Sleep Sack at night, mostly as a means of keeping him warm. We were leaving his arms out (the Sleep Sack allows you to swaddle arms in or out). And then I started reading about the startle reflex and how it can be partly to blame for frequent wake-ups at night. So we started swaddling his arms in with the Sleep Sack and he started having more good nights with longer intervals of sleep. Victory!

Fast forward a couple of weeks and we were in the midst of a full blown growth spurt complete with super-cranky baby who would not (or could not) calm down. In a fit of desperation, Paul wrapped him tightly in one of our Aden + Anais muslin blankets (love these!), and within minutes he was not only quiet, but drifting off to sleep. Random fluke or miracle solution? Over the following days and weeks, we proceeded to implement what we now call the "enchilada wrap" whenever Nathan became extremely fussy or in need of a nap but fighting it. Sometimes it takes longer than others to work, but overall, it has become our #1 method for getting him to calm down and fall asleep for nap time. We use it at least once a day now.

Lessons learned: There is more than one way to swaddle a baby, and it is worth trying a few before ditching the idea. For us, the Sleep Sack (or another variation) has worked well for nighttime and doubles as a wearable blanket to keep baby warm. In addition, we use a modified swaddle during the day to calm a fussy baby and help him nap.

****************Pacifier****************

Pre-baby, I was leaning towards not using a pacifier. After all, I had heard about how hard it can be to break the habit. But the more I read, the more I learned about how pacifier use can actually help decrease the incidence of SIDS (although the reasons for this are not 100% clear). Furthermore, my mom pointed out some research that said infants who are denied the access to suck often (on anything) are more likely to end up sucking their thumbs well into their preschool years, often resulting in dental issues. Since I was not keen on having him permanently attached to my boob, we decided to give the pacifier a try. Turns out, he either wants it or he doesn't. Sometimes he keeps it in until he falls asleep. Other times, he sucks on it a bit and then spits it out before falling asleep. Sometimes we use it when he isn't actively nursing any more, but still wants to suck on something. Other times you offer it and he presses his lips together and shakes is head as if to say "no!" He seems perfectly happy deciding when and where he wants his pacifier.

Lessons learned: The pacifier can be a useful tool. Some babies (like mine) have a very strong sucking reflex and like to suck even when they aren't hungry. From what I've read, it is relatively harmless at this stage (and might even be beneficial). I will definitely be researching how and when to wean him off of it, but for now, we let him be the boss and decide when he wants it. Oh, and another thing... never leave a pacifier in reach of a certain Silver Lab named Gibbs. Unless of course you want to find it chewed and then regurgitated in the garage several hours later...

****************Breastfeeding Tools, Tips, and Tricks****************

Breastfeeding was difficult for me in the beginning. Even though I'd been to the classes and read the books and *thought* I knew what I was doing, I still wound up with sore, cracked nipples and a decreased supply that may have contributed to Nathan's slow return to birth weight (still feeling guilty about that). I also became quickly overwhelmed by the amount of information, much of which was contradictory and/or somewhat threatening in nature: "IF you DO NOT do X, Y, and Z you WILL hurt your supply OR confuse your baby AND probably sentence them to all sorts of terrible diseases down the road. On the contrary, if you DARE use A, B, or C you will likewise DESTROY all benefits of breastfeeding." Okay - that might be a bit over-dramatic, but that is how you perceive things when you are awash in postpartum hormones and sleep deprived :) 

I really wanted to make it work, so I eventually decided that it was better for me to try something and have it help than to NOT try something just because it was condemned by the majority of lactation consultants and breastfeeding support websites. It was either that or quit and switch to formula, and I wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet. Here is what I tried that worked:

• Nipple shields. Yes, you can read all about how these are not recommended except in extreme situations and might actually lead to more/different problems down the road. Whatever. I used them to ease myself back into nursing on a particular side after taking a 24-48 hour pumping-only hiatus. Much of the pain was alleviated and after a couple more days, I was able to discontinue them altogether. Some babies might have issues transitioning, but Nathan did not.
• Breast pump. Mine is the Medela Pump-In-Style Advanced and I love it. My only complaint is that I have to sit in a kind of awkward pose to maintain the angle of the flanges that keeps milk flowing down into the containers and not get it backed up in the system. But that might just be the shape of my boobs :) Overall, the pump is great and it really helped me through those rough weeks. At one point, I took a nursing hiatus on my right side for about 48 hours; during that time I nursed only on the left, pumped only on the right, and used what I pumped to supplement his feedings. Once the right was healed, I took a similar break on the left. That was one suggestion I found on a lactation support website that really did make a big difference for me, and I wouldn't have been able to do it without a great pump. Not only did it alleviate the pain and allow me to take a break from actual nursing, but it helped build my supply by letting me express milk between feedings. I didn't have all the parts for my electric pump in the very beginning, so I relied on my Medela Harmony hand pump. While it was tiresome to do manually, it did work quite well. And that early on I wasn't producing a whole lot yet so it didn't take nearly as long as it might now. These days I pump pretty regularly a couple times a day. Nathan gets some of this in the form of his bedtime bottle (more on this topic later). I also freeze some of it, and some gets used for when someone else is watching him.
• Lanolin. I only ever used the Medela brand (it was just easier when registering to pick out everything from one brand), but I'm sure others work just fine too. This stuff is great. I used it after every single nursing, and even sometimes after pumping in the beginning. It was the only thing that made putting a pad/bra/shirt back on somewhat bearable. I also slathered it on after showering. I don't really need it anymore, but it went everywhere with me for the first few weeks.
• Anti-inflammatory gel pads with witch hazel. I used a couple different brands/types of these, but I think they're all basically the same. Our nurse brought me a couple our second day in the hospital (when I was starting to get sore) and I almost cried from the relief when I first used them. They're even better if you can refrigerate between uses and apply cold. I used them religiously for the first 2-3 weeks. You are supposed to wipe your breast/nipple off with water each time before nursing, which is kind of a pain. And I won't lie - I might have skipped that step a few times. But overall they were worth the hassle for the amount of relief they provided.
• kellymom.com. The one time that I called a lactation consultant after leaving the hospital (we had done a consultation with one while in the hospital as well) she recommended this website. At first glance it looks pretty intense. And yes, it contains some conflicting information and some that comes across as a little scary. But overall, it is a great (and trustworthy!) reference for quick questions. I use it when I just need to look something up real quick (like whether or not it is okay to combine milk from different pumpings) and don't want to spend time digging through a book to find an answer. The site is also pretty easy to navigate.
• Nursing tanks. I bought four so that I'd have a couple to take to the hospital and a couple clean ones waiting at home. Since then, I have purchased four more. My daily, hanging out at home uniform consists of a pair of pajama or yoga pants, some kind of robe/zip-up hoodie/flannel button-down shirt, and a nursing tank. So comfortable and easy! I have nursing bras too, for when we're going to be out and about. But I find the tanks so much more comfortable and easy for around home :)
• Nursing pillow. I had heard mixed reviews from friends about the Boppy, so I was hesitant to register for one. My officemate, however, offered to loan me her My Breast Friend. She said it was very helpful in the beginning when everything feels awkward and uncoordinated. At our observation session with the lactation consultant in the hospital, she suggested we switch from the "football hold" to the "cross-cradle" to see if it helped (we'd already established he had a good, deep latch, but I was still experiencing a lot of pain). The cross-cradle position did help alleviate the pain a bit, but I found it difficult to adequately support his head and body, especially with my non-dominant hand. This is where the nursing pillow came in very handy. The My Breast Friend style features a belt section that fastens around your waist and can be tightened or loosened to hold it in place. It also has small "bumps" on either side that help hold the baby's head at the right level. I used the pillow religiously for the first 2-3 weeks. Having the pillow to maintain correct positioning allowed me to focus on things like the latch, the suck-swallow rhythm, and the cute faces he made while eating :) I no longer need a special pillow and can pretty much nurse him anywhere, but I highly recommend it for the early weeks!

And here is what I tried that did not work:

• Nipple guards. These are protective "shells" that you wear over your nipples inside your bra. They sounded good in theory. My nipples were so raw that I couldn't stand for anything to touch them (fabric of any sort hurt, nursing pads hurt, water hurt, a slight breeze hurt). The guards did keep anything from touching them, which was nice. But they were a bit uncomfortable to wear, looked ridiculous under my clothing, and you weren't supposed to wear them at night. I used them for a day or so, but wish I hadn't spent my money on them. Oh well!
• Dropper feedings. Technically, these did work, but they were not really necessary in our case. Nathan has never had a problem sucking on anything you put in his mouth, so really we could have gone straight to a bottle and not messed with droppers. They're kind of messy and inefficient. But again, we were told (and had read) that offering a bottle too early would wreak havoc on all our efforts to breastfeed, so if we absolutely had to do an alternative style, dropper feedings were the only acceptable way to go. Again I say... WHATEVER! Of course, every baby is different. You gotta do what works best for your situation!

Lessons learned: Do what you need to do to make it work for you. Ask opinions, read a lot, and take away what is helpful and ignore the rest. Breastfeeding does not immediately become the beautiful, natural, easy process that you often see depicted in pictures. It takes work, and sometimes that means trying out different tools and techniques to help you over the initial difficult stages.

****************Rock 'N Play Sleeper****************

We got a rock 'n play sleeper as a shower gift (it was on our registry) and it has to be one of my top 5 favorite things for baby. Even before Nathan was born, I heard stories from friends and acquaintances about how much they loved theirs and used it frequently. And they were right! It was where Nathan slept for the first 3 weeks of his life before we transitioned him to his crib. I think the design really helped him feel all snug and cozy, like in the womb. It is also super-light and portable, so you can easily move it from room to room to use for naps or just a place to put the baby while you pour a bowl of cereal or use the bathroom. And it is still where he takes his longest nap of the day (early afternoon). We do the "enchilada wrap" and put him in the rock 'n play and he usually sleeps for at least 2 hours (if not longer). I would seriously consider buying this for everyone I know who is having a baby.

****************Mobile****************

Everyone says these are silly and frivolous and are more for looks than function. I beg to differ. Again - every baby is different, but Nathan LOVES his mobile. He will stare at it and laugh and kick and be perfectly entertained for as long as 20-30 minutes sometimes. I do wish the movement and music lasted longer (it has to be wound up pretty frequently), but that is my only complaint. It works so well as a distraction for him, I've even been able to lay him in his crib while he fussing, turn on the mobile, and within a couple minutes he will calm down. This is helpful when it is nearly time for something (a feeding, diaper change, or nap) but we need just a few minutes to take care of something else (like bringing in the groceries, using the bathroom, or pouring a cup of coffee!). There is also a mobile on his pack 'n play that works really well. It is motorized (no winding) and runs for about 10 minutes. While traveling last week, we used it every night to help him drift off to sleep at night. I'm sure some babies want nothing to do with a mobile, but for us, it is more than just a decoration.

****************Gas Drops****************

Nathan doesn't always burp well after a feeding, so these have been quite helpful. He does this "stiff-as-a-board" thing when his tummy is hurting from a painful bubble and screams bloody murder. If we've tried to burp him in various positions, with no success, a dose of these usually does the trick. We've used both the kind containing simethicone and one containing ginger extract (both made by Little Remedies). Both work pretty well.

************Getting Baby to Sleep: Tools, Tips, and Tricks************

Much like breastfeeding, there are a LOT of recommendations out there about how, when, and where to get baby to sleep. Some of it is widely accepted (on their back, no loose blankets, etc). But there really is no one-size-fits-all method that works for every baby. As a result, you can find a lot of conflicting information and advice. I intend to write a whole separate post about sleep/nap schedules and related things, so for now I'll limit this to what has/has not worked for us. I've already touched on a couple of things that we have found helpful, including swaddling, use of a pacifier, and a rock 'n play sleeper for naps and overnights during the first few weeks. Here are a few more things we've tried:

• White noise. You can find both advocates and opponents for the use of "sound" to help lull your baby to sleep. Many encourage it. And certainly, just about every baby gadget out there offers a music and/or nature sounds option. Others caution that using noise to aid sleep will only make it more difficult for baby down the road by making it impossible for them to fall asleep without it. I don't know who is right or wrong (or even if there is a right or wrong). But the little research I've done suggests that the use of constant "white" noise (such as a fan or radio static) can help keep babies sleep longer. We've been using radio static for both nap times and overnights. I can't really tell whether or not it helps at night (he is sleeping about the same at night as before we introduced the white noise). But I do think it is helping him sleep longer during naps. 
• Baby swing. This is a relatively new addition to our repertoire. I was hesitant to get one at first - we already had a bouncy seat and the rock 'n play, as well as a couple different play mats. Did we really need another place to put the baby? But the more I read about baby sleep, the more I became convinced that we should give it a try for nap times. We got our swing a little over a week ago and I'm so glad we did. Nathan will nap in the bouncy seat and, as mentioned above, in the rock 'n play. The difference is, with those, he has to be asleep before we put him down. And occasionally the transfer wakes him him. With the swing, I can put him in it awake and he will fall asleep on his own. He sometimes fusses a bit, but usually calms down within 10 minutes or so. Depending on our schedule, he takes at least one nap a day in it.
• Digital-video monitor. We registered for this after I had researched them extensively. Traditional, non-digital audio monitors often interfere with wireless internet signals (something our parents never had to worry about!), so digital technology has developed to help minimize that issue. We have had no problems with WIFI interference. The video aspect works great and is helpful for spying checking on the little guy without going into the room and risking waking him up with the creaky door :) We have a two-story house and a large yard, so this will be an even more useful gadget in the warmer months when we need to do chores outside.

Some things that have not worked for us:

• Co-sleeping/room-sharing. Initially, we thought we would keep Nathan in our room at night for the first few months. Unfortunately, the combination of not-a-lot-of-space and too-many-curious-animals is really not conducive to that arrangement. We gave it a try, but no one really slept well. In the end, I feel it's safer for him to sleep in his room, which is right across the hall. I don't have to worry about curious kitties - who like to snuggle - jumping into bed with him. Furthermore, things that would likely wake the baby in our room (our dog Gibbs, my husband's pager that goes off at all hours) are less likely to do so when he is in his own room. I understand the appeal and convenience of having the baby in your room at night, but it does not work for our situation.
• Warm bath. Several books and blogs I've read suggest a warm bath as part of a nightly routine. Maybe this works for some people whose babies enjoy bath time, but that is definitely NOT us. Nathan does not like having a bath and usually screams bloody murder, so for us to do it on a nightly basis as part of a bedtime routine would be very counter-productive. Furthermore, we are already battling a bit of dry skin with him. Too much bathing would actually make that worse, so we are sticking with our once-a-week bathing schedule unless otherwise necessary (like the time he peed in his own face).

****************Baby Carrier****************

We went with a Baby Bjorn "Air" model. After extensive research, and asking opinions from various friends, I came to the conclusion that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to these things. Everyone has their own criteria of what constitutes a good carrier. We chose this one for two reasons: 1) it was one of only a handful of options that you could actually see and try on in the store, and 2) it designed to be cooler to wear by allow better air circulation using mesh material. As small as babies are, wearing one is like wearing your own personal furnace. Add to that the postpartum, hormone-induced temperature fluctuations, and you've got a recipe for some serious sweat. The carrier is nice because it allows me to be hands-free. It was especially great in the very beginning when Nathan was less predictable and needed to be held all the time (as opposed to now when he is content to sit in his bouncy chair or swing for a bit while I eat or use the bathroom or whatever). It was also extremely helpful when he reached the point where he was getting over-stimulated and would fuss for 2-3 hours straight in the evenings. The carrier surrounded him, somewhat blocking out light and sound, and held him close against my chest where (I assume) he could hear my heartbeat and the vibrations from my voice. Sometimes that, combined with a little bouncing, was all it took to calm him down. He even took a few naps in there in the early days. I think we will get even more use of it as he gets older and can be held facing forward.

****************Fun Stuff****************

There are a few things that we purchased or were given that aren't absolute essentials, but that we really like and use frequently:

• One is the "Cloud B Twilight Turtle" that we call Floyd. It's basically a nightlight, but instead of a bare bulb, it projects light through star-shaped holes in the turtles shell, resulting in a star-covered ceiling. You can change the light to be red, blue, or green. It runs on a timer and shuts itself off after 10-15 minutes or so. I had more than one friend recommend this to us, so we ran out and added it to our registry. Older babies and toddlers probably get more of a kick out of it than Nathan does at this point, although he is starting to notice it more (the stars "twinkle" in the dark thanks to his ceiling fan). But it's also nice for us because we can turn it on when we're getting him ready for bed and it gives off just enough light to be able to move around without banging into things.  
• Another item we really like is the lion-shaped "Bestever Baby Mat." It's like a big, plush, flattened, stuffed lion. It's a great place for baby to lay and kick around. Nathan likes to "exercise" on it in the mornings especially. We sometimes prop a pillow under it if he doesn't want to lay flat. It's so soft and snuggly - I seriously want a giant one for me :) It's also lightweight and small, so it's great for traveling when you just want another option other than the pack 'n play to put the baby.

Firsts

These past few weeks have been busy! I meant to write an update after Nathan's one month check-up (weight gain - finally!)... And yet here we are, just a week away from his two month appointment. To be fair, we've had a number of visitors. Neighbors and friends have come by about once or twice a week. My grandfather (Papa) came up for a day in early February. The following weekend, one of my uncles brought my Grandma up for a couple days (a HUGE deal since she pretty much never leaves her farm). The weekend after that my brother came to meet his nephew for the first time. And the weekend after that my Aunt K (and her husband and son) came down for the day to visit.

In the midst of all the visitors, Nathan had his one month check-up and I had my six week postpartum check-up. Nathan weighed in at 8 pounds and had grown a whole 2 inches longer already (which we kind of suspected because he's been growing out of newborn stuff lengthwise). He's only in the 10th percentile or so for weight, but he's in the 70th for length! He also got his second hep B vaccine. He did great - barely a whimper! I won't say what I weighed in at, but suffice it to say I have about 10 pounds more to lose to be at my pre-pregnancy weight. And probably another 10-15 to be back at my pre-fertility treatments weight... The rest of my check-up was uneventful - everything is healed and I got the "all clear" to return to regular activity levels, etc. Both of our appointments were in the city, so we swung by my office afterwards each time. Nathan met several of my co-workers and was sufficiently oohed and ahhhed over :)

Aside from the doctor's appointments and the visits from family and friends, we've had a few "firsts" that I wanted to write about:

First solo trip to the store with a baby
This was a big deal for me. I was terrified by the thought of taking Nathan to the store by myself. Paul and I had done it several times together and it was totally fine. But we were a team. One of us would tend to the baby while the other did the shopping. And for his part, Nathan was usually content to nap in his carseat in the cart. In the rare event that he started to wake up and get fussy, Paul was there to swing the seat a bit and lull him back to sleep. Easy! Shopping solo, however, made me nervous. What if he cried? Not like, fussed a little, but full-on screamed bloody murder? What if he decided he was hungry and/or had a massive blowout diaper when I had a cart full of stuff? What if I cried? What if people stared at me? I was fully aware that these were all irrational and/or overblown fears, and yet I managed to come up with every excuse in the book to put off doing it by myself for as long as possible.

And then one day, I decided it was time to confront the fear. We needed a few groceries and toiletries - not a long list but more than just one or two items. So I packed Nathan up in his carseat, loaded him into the truck (Paul has been taking my car to work lately to save on gas), and drove to Walmart. I figured Walmart was a good place to start. If we had a major meltdown mid-store, I'd be just one more parent in a sea of parents with unhappy and/or misbehaving children. I did drive the long way over and took a detour through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru in the hopes that he might fall asleep and stay asleep for the duration of our trip. And he did sleep for most of it - up until the last 15 minutes or so. We were in the meat section, heading towards produce, when he started to fuss a little. Deep breaths, no big deal. I lifted the blanket, re-inserted the pacifier that he'd lost, and kept moving. I paused to pick out bananas and there was more fussing from under the blanket. I repeated the pacifier move, tossed the bananas in the cart (the last item on my list), and headed to the check-out. So far so good...

I picked what I thought was the shortest/fastest line (there was only one person ahead of me!) and proceeded to unload my cart onto the belt whilst gently rolling the cart back and forth a few inches. Talk about skill! And then things started to go downhill. The guy ahead of me insisted on swiping a card that, for whatever reason, was not working. After 5-6 tries, the cashier asked him if he had another card to use (he did not) so he decided to do the thing where you give them a blank check and the register fills it out for you. Except his account information was not in the system (even though he told her his wife "does this all the time"). Long story short - it took him forever to check out. And by the time I realized this, I was trapped. There were people in line behind me, my stuff was all laid out on the belt, and Nathan was becoming increasingly displeased by the whole situation. I felt my panic level rising a bit and even considered grabbing the carseat and bolting. But I knew that if I did, it would only multiply my fear for the next time. I needed to stay to prove to myself that I could handle it, that it was not the end of the world if he cried in the checkout line, and that the people in line behind me were not going to make rude comments and/or report me to DCFS for being a bad parent (ridiculous things to worry about, I know, but they did cross my mind).

And you know what? We survived. Nathan fussed (not terribly loudly) and I comforted him as best I could given the circumstances. The woman behind me gave me a sympathetic smile and asked how old he was. The guy in front of me finally got his stuff together and left. The cashier apologized profusely and rang me up in record time. By that point he was working up to a full scream, but no one glared at us. In fact, no one really seemed to notice. I got myself, the baby, and the groceries out of the store and into the truck. And I breathed a sigh of relief. Was it stressful? Sure. Was it as awful as I was convinced it would be? No. Will I be able to do it again? Yes. Will I someday maybe attempt Target, or even the mall, by myself? Absolutely. In fact, I'm thinking of venturing to the mall tomorrow just for the sake of getting out of the house and having somewhere to walk in the stroller. Overall, it was a scary, but good, first experience. And an important one for me to conquer to feel more confident in my mommy-skills :)

First date night out with the hubby
This was planned a while back, actually. For Christmas, Paul had gotten me tickets to the I Love Lucy musical show that was playing in a theater in the city. The show was ending the first weekend in March, so we had to go before then. We planned it for the last Thursday in February. Gramma (my MIL) was lined up to babysit. She was pretty excited about it :) She arrived mid-afternoon and we gave her the rundown on supplies, activities, schedule, etc. We left around 4:00 p.m. to allow time during rush hour to get to our 5:30 dinner reservation. Dinner was great, the show was lots of fun, and the evening as a whole was a success! We had gone out to eat a few times before and taken Nathan with us, but it was really nice to go out just as a couple. I did miss the little guy, but not in a distracting way. And knowing how excited my MIL had been to babysit made it better. We got home late (around 10:30) and he was in bed, but just barely. And then he woke up about 20 minutes after Gramma left and proceeded to have a bit of a rough night. I don't think she did anything wrong and it was probably just a fluke. But part of me likes to think that he missed us and kept waking up to make sure we were still there :)

First road trip as a family
We took Nathan down to meet the rest of my extended family and friends last week. Paul had a couple of shifts off, so we left Wednesday and came home yesterday (Monday). It's the farthest he has been from home so far (about a 4 hour drive) and the trip was a bit of a dress rehearsal for when we go to Virginia next month. Paul was on shift the day before we left, and Nathan was refusing to nap for very long that day, so I wasn't able to do any packing/organizing ahead of time. It took a ridiculous amount of time to get packed! Besides figuring out what and how to pack for an infant, I had a hard time packing for myself. I don't really need maternity clothes anymore, but I'm not 100% back in my regular clothes either. And on top of that, I'm still figuring out which tops will work for nursing or pumping and which ones won't. As a result, it was mid-afternoon on Wednesday before we finally got on the road.

We stayed at my Papa's house for most of the trip. We set up the pack 'n play in the guest room with us and it worked out really well! I'm glad we got the one we did. It's a little bulkier than some, and might require a little more effort to set up and take down. But the storage pockets helped keep everything organized and he really likes the attached mobile. He slept really well the whole trip (8 hours one night!) so that was nice. We kept pretty busy while we were there. It would take forever to recount all the stories (and I really want to take a shower before he wakes up from his nap!) but the highlight by far was that my mom surprised us while we were there. My Papa had been visiting my parents the week before, and at the last minute my mom decided to drive back with him. She was staying on the farm with Grandma, so we didn't see her until Thursday morning when Grandma brought her into town. Everyone who knew had kept it a secret from us, so we were totally surprised when she came walking in the door at Papa's house. It was such a pleasant surprise and she had a really great time seeing her grandson again. Overall, it was a successful first road trip!

Next up:  First time doing the short-term single-mom thing!
Paul went back to work today and is doing a double shift (48 hours). He took an overtime shift, which is not my favorite idea, but we will need the extra money this month since my unpaid leave starts today. He is technically off at 7:00 Friday morning, but has to stay for a training for a few hours. Then Saturday he works an extra shift at the department here in town before going back to his regular shift at work on Sunday. When we realized that would be TWO back-to-back shifts in 5 days (96 out of 120 hours!) we decided that was a bit much (for me, that is). So he is now only working half the Saturday shift (12 hours). Still. That is a whole lot of just me-and-Nathan time. And yes, I am looking forward to the snuggles and play times. But I'm also reeeeaaallllly hoping that he doesn't decide to have a growth spurt this week when there is no one for me to trade off with! Much like the store thing, I need to do this to know that I can. Stay tuned for updates on our mother-and-son week!

Nathan's Birth - Part Five

***The final chapter in the story of Nathan's birth***

[NOTE: I started writing this chapter 3 weeks ago, fully intending to be done with the series before his one month birthday. So much for that plan!]

January 21, 2013 - 12:30 p.m.
The OB (Dr. L) came back to check on me a couple hours after the epidural was started. Paul had stepped out for a few minutes to get something to eat while my mom kept me company and fed me ice chips. Amazingly, I was at 9 cm! Apparently the epidural had helped me relax enough that I had progressed another 2.5 cm already. Only 1 left to go! Dr. L said she would be back within the hour and expected that I'd be complete by that point. She asked me to hold off on using the epidural booster button anymore - she wanted me to get used to feeling the pressure from the contractions so that I'd recognize when to push when it was time. Things were really starting to move! Paul wasn't back yet so Mom stayed with me for a bit longer. B came in to let me know that Paul was back from lunch, but the security desk people were giving him a hard time about not having a "visitor" pass and had sent him back to the first floor to get one. Nevermind that he'd been there all night with me and no one had mentioned anything about him needing a pass!

January 21, 2013 - 1:30 p.m.
Eventually Paul was allowed back in (needless to say, he was a little pissed about the situation) and my mom left to update everyone in the waiting room. Less than 5 minutes later, our nurse (Amy) came in and said Dr. L wanted her to check me. Amy did the exam and thought I was more or less complete, so she went to page Dr. L to come ASAP. Dr. L was already on her way back from her office down the street, so she arrived a few minutes later. Paul was in the midst of trying to text the waiting room crowd to give them the update when Dr. L instructed him to come stand on my right side. She showed him how to hold my leg (which felt like it weighed a ton thanks to the epidural). There was a nursing student in attendance as well, so Dr. L had her take my left side/leg. It was kind of funny - both Paul and I thought we were just doing a "dress rehearsal" for when it was time to push. But the next thing we knew, Dr. L was ordering everyone into position and telling me to get ready to push with the next contraction. Suddenly, things were happening very quickly!

Everyone thought that the baby was on the larger side (8.5-9 pounds) so they were preparing me for a lengthy pushing session. Dr. L wanted me to push 3 times with each contraction. As the contraction began, I would take a quick, deep breath in, hold it, push to the count of 10, exhale, inhale again quickly, and repeat. My contractions were actually quite long, so sometimes she had me do a 4th push as well. While I didn't really have the "urge" to push that is usually the case with a non-medicated birth, I could at least feel when the contractions were about to start. In most cases, I would start to get ready even before the monitor picked up that one was on its way. I was also having piggy-back contractions, where one would end and the next one started very soon after. I would have 3-4 of these in a row, followed by a break of a few minutes. The baby's heart rate would sometimes start to drop by the 3rd or 4th contraction, so during the breaks they would sometimes roll me from one side to the other to help relieve some of the pressure and get the heart rate up again.

Is it just me or do the birthing classes neglect to mention just how difficult pushing can be, especially for first time moms? Seriously - pushing is HARD! Maybe it was just my classes, but most of the focus was on the contractions. How to monitor contractions, how to gauge them, how to cope with the pain and discomfort, etc. There was very little discussion of the pushing phase, aside from what to expect as far as contractions during that phase. I can honestly say I felt very unprepared for the physical effort of pushing. There were times I thought my eyeballs might just pop out of my head from the exertion!

But I digress... Once I started pushing, I lost all track of time. Paul's cell phone kept chirping with text messages from everyone in the waiting room, but we decided they would probably figure out what was happening when they didn't get any responses. During the breaks, Paul and the nursing student would help prop my legs up to rest. I did have feeling in them and could move on my own, but was usually so wiped from the pushing that it was too much effort to expend on my own. I was also sweating like crazy and kept asking for cold washcloths to put on my neck. On top of that, I was extremely thirsty and kept begging for ice chips during the breaks.

I have no idea how long it was before I started to feel the baby coming out. Paul was watching and told me when he could see the head, an ear, the eyes, etc. At some point, I definitely felt that there was something "hanging out down there" so I assumed we were getting close. I was so tired, I just wanted to be done. Each contraction felt like a pushing marathon. Dr. L had been cheering me on through each push the entire time, phrases like "almost there" and "just a bit harder." As a result, I didn't fully realize what was happening when the baby finally did slide out.

January 21, 2013 - 2:44 p.m.
I had my eyes closed, straining from the effort of pushing, when I heard Dr. L tell me to look up at my baby. I looked up and said "It's a boy!" And then I realized what he was doing and I started laughing and said "He's peeing!" He literally came out peeing all over. And then I started crying. And Paul cried. And we laughed. And we cried some more. And they put him on my chest and I held my baby for the first time.

I had pushed for about an hour and 20 minutes. It felt like an eternity but Dr. L said it was actually very good for a first time mom. I have no idea how some people are able to push for 3 hours. Dr. L showed Paul where to cut the cord. After that, Paul took pictures and I held our baby as long as possible before they took him to be weighed and measured. He was 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches long. The nursing student took our first family picture together. Then, while they got the baby cleaned up, Paul stepped out to share the news with the waiting room crew. We had agreed previously that he would go out and tell them the gender and stats. We would then spend some time together, just the 3 of us, before introducing him and sharing his name with everyone later in our postpartum room.

I vaguely remember Dr. L telling me to push when the placenta was delivered, but I wasn't paying much attention. A little while later, I noticed that she was stitching me up, so I asked how badly I had torn. It was only a grade 2 - not terrible. The epidural was still dripping away, so I didn't feel any of that part. When they were done cleaning me and the baby, they brought him back over so we could do skin-to-skin. The nurse also helped us with our first breastfeeding attempt. Eventually, all the I's had been dotted and all the T's crossed, and it was time for us to leave L&D and get settled in postpartum. Once we were settled and had breastfed again, it was time to meet everyone!

I will leave off here with the story of Nathan's birth. I have lots of other thoughts and observations to share about the whole induction, labor and delivery, and postpartum hospital experience. But I'll wait until I've organized them a bit more in my head before attempting to post. :)

Happy One Month Birthday Little Man!

So far today, Nathan has celebrated his one-month birthday by:

1. Deciding to wake up at 5:50 a.m. (a full hour before he usually gets up). Thankfully he was happy to snuggle on my chest after he ate while I dozed a bit longer :)
2. Producing not 1 but 2 blowout diapers (the second of which soaked thru his fleece sleeper and onto Mama's lap!).
3. Letting me capture his sweet smile on camera for the first time ever!

Happy Birthday little Boogie boy! 

We love you so much and can hardly believe how fast the time is flying already!