In the meantime, I've developed some serious cabin fever. I've never been good at staying home for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong - I like being home as a family. And when we were just a couple, I secretly kind of enjoyed the occasional weekend when Paul was on shift and I could have the house to myself to do whatever I wanted. But too many days in a row of that and I tend to get depressed. Especially in the winter when it gets dark so early in the evenings. I have gotten much more comfortable taking Nathan out in public by myself, but there are only so many errands that need to be run in a week. And at some point, hauling the carseat and diaper bag, in and out of the car, over and over again, gets tiring. Particularly when doing so in the snow/rain/sleet. I'm ready for it to be nice out. I'm ready to go places and do things without having to bundle up. And a tiny little part of me is starting to feel ready for some aspects of work... Allow me to elaborate.
I like my job. I like (most of) my co-workers. In fact, many of the people I consider "friends" in this area are people from work. Unfortunately, they all live in the city. So while on maternity leave, I've been very isolated from most of these friends. We text and email and Facebook, but it isn't the same. That being said, I'm also very sad that I'll be going back to work in 2.5 weeks. I've loved having this time to bond with my little man and I don't want him to grow up too fast. But I would be lying if I said that I wish he was a newborn still. Newborns are precious and snuggly and all sorts of wonderful things. But they also don't do much other than sleep and eat. Now that Nathan is 2 months old, he has so much more personality. He's laughing and smiling and cooing and interacting with us and his environment. He's changing every day - learning new "tricks" and discovering new things. It's really fun to be a part of this. And that is what I'll be sad to miss. At the same time, I'm eager to develop more of a routine. I'm looking forward to spending some time with other adults. And I'm excited to see him spend more one-on-one time with Paul. I think that once we get over the adjustment period, things will be okay.
That isn't to say that I won't have some sort of nervous breakdown the weekend before I go back to work... But on a positive note, I did finally talk to my boss about my schedule for when I go back. For the past 4 years, I've been doing 4 10-hour days (Tuesday-Friday). That isn't going to be possible now that I have a baby. For one thing, I would barely see him on those 4 days. And on the days he will go to daycare (1-2 times a week), it wouldn't work out logistically for me to drop him off, drive into the city, work for 10 hours, drive home, and pick him up before they close for the day. As much as I have loved having Mondays off, it just won't work going forward. At the same time, I didn't really want to commit to 5 days' worth of driving back and forth to the city. So, I came up with a compromise that allows me to work from home 2 days a week (Monday & Thursday) and be in the office the other 3 days. Since my boss doesn't really care what my exact hours are, I can do longer days at home and/or shorter days at the office in order to accommodate the daycare schedule on days when Paul is on shift. On his off days, Paul will take care of Nathan at home, which means I will still get to see him if it's a Monday or Thursday. It'll take some getting used to for sure, but I'm really happy about the arrangement.
This post has gotten longer than I originally intended, and I need to find something to eat before Nathan wakes up, so I'll close with a picture:
Little ewok.
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