Thanksgiving will forever be a time that I associate with my Nana. Growing up, we alternated feasting with my mom's side of the family (Grandma and Grandpa) and my dad's side (Napa and Papa). Both families lived in the same town as us, so we'd sometimes mosey over to the other one's house after dinner to spend time with them and maybe eat leftovers for supper. While my Grandma always made wonderful Thanksgiving meals, that is not the holiday I associate with her. Grandma's specialty, in terms of holidays, has always been Christmas Eve. When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of Nana. There are several years of memories stashed away in my mind of Turkey Days at Nana's house, but perhaps the most significant are from her final three years...
It was 2006 and I had just begun dating Paul. Although not a requirement to spend the holidays with someone you've been seeing for only two months, Paul was adamant in his intention to spend Thanksgiving with me and my family. He had to work the night before though, so I had driven on down to Greenville and the plan was for him to join me on Thanksgiving. He got up at 5:00 a.m. to drive the four hours to southern Illinois. This was a big deal. He had already met my mom and Grandma - they'd come up to visit me over Halloween weekend the previous month. This trip would not only be his first to my hometown, but he would be meeting the majority of my extended family on both sides. I was excited but nervous. I had an inkling at that point that he just might be The One, which meant that first impressions would be of utmost importance.
As I was drinking coffee in Nana's kitchen and watching her begin the various preparations for the day, she asked me how things were going with Paul. She asked if I thought this might be "serious." I think she knew. Paul arrived around 9:30 that morning. Nana was impressed at his timeliness. So far so good. The rest of the family started to trickle in over the next several hours. Cousins, aunts and uncles, my great grandmother, etc (my parents and brother were living in New England at the time and usually only traveled back to the Midwest for Christmas). Turkey Day 2006 was a success. Nana's food was, as usual, outstanding. The house was filled with warmth and laughter and I felt like Paul's presence amongst all of us was quite natural. My cousins, uncles, and Papa all grilled him mercilessly and I was pleased to see that he held his own. Nana liked him immediately and gave me several knowing looks throughout the day. Paul's impression of it all: he liked everyone so far but he DEFINITELY felt comfortable with Nana. She was good at that - making people feel welcome and at ease. The word stranger was hardly in her vocabulary and we almost always had "extras" at our family dinners (friends, random college students, and others who had nowhere to go for the holiday). Thanksgiving 2006 marked the beginning of a more serious phase in my relationship with Paul.
The following year, 2007, we were again in Greenville for the holiday. The memories of that year are now bittersweet. Paul and I were engaged by that point, and the wedding plans were underway. About a week before Turkey Time, Nana called to ask me if I had any special requests for the meal. She always made sure to serve everyone's "favorites." I asked for her made-from-scratch creamed corn and we chatted a bit about travel plans. She was coughing a lot, so I asked if she'd been sick. She brushed it off, saying that it was just a bad cough that she couldn't quite seem to shake. I don't remember if she had had an x-ray or if she was going in for one soon, but either way she didn't seem worried. I didn't think much else of it either and the next thing I knew it was Thanksgiving Day and we were arriving at Nana and Papa's. That year's feast was another success, as always. There was some grilling of Paul, but there was even more talk of wedding plans and engagement pictures. It was a happy, care-free day. It was also, as it turns out, the last truly happy and care-free holiday we ever spent with Nana. She was officially diagnosed with advanced-stage non-small cell lung carcinoma (lung cancer) on Christmas Eve that year. Looking back, I will always be grateful that we went to Greenville that Thanksgiving. We had talked about celebrating with Paul's family in Michigan, but I had felt a strong pull towards Greenville and I am so glad we ended up there for one last big, happy, Nana-style Thanksgiving.
Nana's last Thanksgiving was actually in 2008. By then, Paul and I were married, an occasion that Nana had been able to attend in spite of her on-going battle against the cancer. We were so blessed to have had her there. That had been September. By November though, her situation was declining. She had had to go on oxygen the week after our wedding. The last picture I have of her, actually, is from the weekend after the wedding when we had just returned from our honeymoon and were in Greenville for a second reception. She had wanted to give us our gift in person and waited until we were at the house afterwards to give it. The pictures I have from that day are of us opening the gift and hugging her and Papa. She is wearing her oxygen in the pictures and for some reason, I've never been able to take those photos off my camera. I've never displayed them anywhere either - they are not in with my other wedding/post-wedding photos, nor on any of my online albums. They just sit on my camera's SD card, frozen in time. I cannot bring myself to delete them but at the same time, it is as if by not displaying them, I don't have to remember her that way, looking truly weakened and sick, at all.
Thanksgiving 2008 was a quiet one for Nana. My aunt and her family were in town that year, and they had a small meal, prepared by my aunt. Nana was not able to eat much, from what I hear, and she was also not able to talk much without coughing violently, but she was still smiling. Paul and I were in Michigan with his family. On Friday, we got the call from my mom that Nana had been admitted to the hospital. I don't recall if it had actually been late Thanksgiving night or early that morning. I was panicked. I wasn't ready to admit it to myself or to Paul, but deep down I new this was the beginning of the end and I was suddenly desperate to get to Greenville. We were on our way to a Detroit suburb to visit a friend, but Paul offered to leave then and there and drive all the way. After talking more with my parents, I decided I could probably wait to return home as planned later that evening and then drive down on Saturday. I made it to Greenville Thanksgiving weekend, 2008, to see Nana for the second-to-last time. I returned once more, two weeks later, to say goodbye. She passed away hours after I left to head home.
It is now Thanksgiving morning, 2011. I still miss my Nana every day, but I no longer feel sadness about this holiday. I am able to think back to all the happy years and memories and picture Nana as she was then - a big smile on her face, wearing an apron, and stirring up magic in the kitchen. I am a big believer in traditions, and so this year, I am making Nana's famous creamed corn. We are celebrating with Paul's parents, grandmother, and uncle this year. My mother-in-law and I are sharing the cooking duties and everyone will be coming to our home later this afternoon. I am looking forward to serving them Nana's creamed corn and when I do, I know that she will be looking down from heaven and smiling.
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