Maternity Pics

A while back I mentioned that we were doing some professional maternity pictures. The photographer was a friend of mine from college (who also did our wedding) and I actually got the pictures back from her less than a week later. They turned out really great and I have been meaning to post a few of them but keep forgetting (shocker). So here they are (and no, they were not all headless shots.. I just don't do faces on this blog):

 

 

I explained in a previous post why I wanted to do these pictures (there were several reasons). And I'm really happy that we did them. I was able to use several of them in our Christmas cards for this year (she took a few of us that were just our faces with no belly so I could have at least one set of cards to send to friends who are or might be struggling with infertility). I also organized several into a photo book using an online program and ordered copies for us and both sets of grandparents-to-be. I still want to pick a few to print in high-quality format and get framed, but I haven't been able to make up my mind yet. Also not sure yet where we will hang them in the house, so probably need to figure that out first. Aside from that, I am not planning to post them on Facebook. I always thought I would but our experiences dealing with infertility have changed my outlook on that kind of thing. Our photographer did post a link from her page on my timeline or wall (or whatever that thing is called now) but I decided that was fine because those who really wanted to look could follow it and everyone else could just ignore.

Anywhooo... Time to check on the traffic situation and see about heading home! I told my boss I'm planning to work from home tomorrow since I'm not having much luck getting anything done while in the office with all the distractions and interruptions. Hopefully I will have a successful, productive day so that I can feel a bit less panicked about everything that needs to get done before I go on leave!

33 Weeks & Counting - Feeling THE BURN

As in... heartburn. LOTS of it. Like, really bad stuff. I honestly don't know how people who have this condition on a regular basis are able to cope. I guess that's why there is a whole section of the pharmacy dedicated to antacids? And yes, I realize I could (and probably should) consider going on one of those drugs. But part of me doesn't love the idea of throwing one more thing in the mix. And part of me  thinks I should tough it out until I absolutely have no other choice. And really, I've had it off and on throughout the pregnancy, but it hasn't ever been THIS bad for THIS long. Until this weekend. No, I can't blame it on the food. Actually, Thanksgiving day (when I really did stuff my face all day long) was not bad. But Saturday, Sunday, and yesterday have got me thinking that it is going to be a LONG six and a half more weeks if this doesn't let up.

Saturday night I went to bed feeling pretty crummy. I was able to fall asleep eventually, but then woke up around 1:00 a.m. and was up until almost 4:00 fighting the burn. A couple of times I thought I might actually throw up from it and had to dash to the bathroom. It is not easy to "dash" anywhere when pregnant, but especially not when it involves first getting out of bed and then maneuvering over and around sleeping animals on the floor. It also didn't help that I'd eaten something that my intestines apparently didn't like and were revolting against. Sunday night I talked Paul into putting the head of the bed up a few inches on blocks. I had read that as a suggestion in some magazine. Something about the slanted angle and gravity making it harder for the stomach acids to creep up the esophagus. I have at least slept better the past two nights as a result, but I still find I'm pretty miserable by the end of the day. It's tough because they also say not to eat within 3 hours of going to bed, but for me that's pretty much impossible. I don't get home from work in time to eat an earlier dinner, and even if I did, I'd still be full from lunch!

Anyway, enough complaining. What else is new? Oh, we went to our last baby class on Sunday. This one was called "comfort measures in labor" or something like that. It focused on techniques and strategies for managing pain and fatigue during labor. Since we're planning to at least try the un-medicated route, this class was very helpful. It didn't follow any one particular theory or method, but rather presented several options and ideas. Ultimately, the instructor encouraged us try a little bit of everything and use whatever felt best in the moment. I still hesitate to 100% rule out getting an epidural, because you just never know. But I guess we'll see!

In other news... Hmm. I'm not sure what "other news" might be. Surely there's something else to update? I swear my mind just went blank. I've had that sensation a lot lately. The so-called pregnancy brain? It appears to have struck. One minute I'm thinking what to say or do next, and the next minute... POOF! It's gone. Oh well, maybe this will just be a short post! I'll close with a short To-Do list for this week (in case I forget in like, 10 minutes, it will at least be recorded here for me to reference!):

1. Turn in maternity leave forms to HR.
2. Call the company that handles short-term disability/maternity leave claims and find out what they need.
3. Update registry lists (mark off or remove things that have been received or purchased recently but were not marked in the store).
4. I know there was more to this list..... 

 Oh well. Good enough for now!

32 Weeks & Counting - A Time to Be Thankful

Today I am 32 weeks and 1 day. The other day I had the strange realization that I cannot quite remember what my "normal" body feels like. I don't really know what to expect in terms of losing weight after Flash is born, but I am curious to see how quickly I lose some of the other side effects of this pregnancy, like the heartburn and the always-out-of-breath feeling. I have entered the awkward stage of feeling very large and cumbersome; it is hard to bend, roll over, get up or down very quickly, or even sit in certain positions. I basically feel like a beached whale a lot and I'm told that I've started waddling. Ha! I still say I don't mind all of this because I am just so thrilled to have this opportunity to be pregnant. But that doesn't mean that I won't enjoy being able to roll over in bed on my own without having to ask Paul to push me :)

I had intended to post about some other things this past week, but unfortunately the week took a bit of a sad turn. On Monday, we learned that a co-worker and friend of Paul's was killed rather suddenly. I won't go into detail on this blog, but the death occurred under tragic and horrific circumstances which made it all the more traumatic for Paul and the rest of his department. I did not know the deceased very well, although we had socialized at department functions in the past. Nevertheless, the department is like one large extended family, and seeing the grief and shock that her death inflicted on my husband and others was difficult to witness. The funeral services were Saturday (at our church) and drew a considerable crowd. The outpouring of support from the community and surrounding areas was truly amazing. Paul was occupied most of the day as part of the honor guard and an officer of the department. I volunteered with some of the other spouses and friends of the department, preparing and organizing the food, tending to the needs of the family, and assisting visitors and those who were attending in an official capacity. By the time we got home yesterday, we were both physically and emotionally exhausted.

In light of that, and the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, I am feeling rather reflective. Several of my friends on Facebook have been posting daily thankfulness updates since the start of November.  While I never jumped on that bandwagon, I would like to list some things I am feeling especially thankful for this week:

1. My husband. He has been so supportive and patient and loving throughout these past several months. I could not ask for a better partner in life and I feel so lucky and blessed to be his wife. He will make a wonderful father and I look forward to seeing him in that role very soon.
2. My job. It is stressful and busy at times, but I do enjoy the actual work that I do. And I am so thankful to have a job when so many are struggling to find one. I also work with a lot of great people whose support and caring really did help me through the infertility treatments. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to undergo IVF in secret for fear of losing my job.
3. My neighbors. We have really great neighbors. I saw several of them this weekend at the funeral. Some had known the deceased personally and others were there simply to drop off a tray of baked goods or to offer their assistance in other ways. On Friday when I got home, there was a Noah's Ark gift bag sitting on the bench outside our door. It was a baby gift from one of our newest neighbors, a couple just down the street. When Paul is on shift and something goes wrong at the house, I always know that I can call one of the neighbors and someone will come help me. If we are out of town and a package is delivered to the house, one of the neighbors will stick it inside our garage or take it back to their house until we get home so that it doesn't get rained or or damaged. Neighbors like this are a treasure and I am so thankful to have them in our lives.

I have many, many more things to be thankful for this season. But those are just a few that have come to my attention over these past several days. 

31 Weeks & Counting

We are down to the single-digits in terms of weeks remaining! That is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. So much to do still! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

********Ok, now that I've had my mini panic attack for today (I seem to have one of these about every other day or so), let's move on to other things...********

I meant to post about this last week, but other stuff kind of got in the way of that (see previous post entitled "Ugh"). Last Friday, I was a standardized test patient for the 3rd year medical school students who were taking their OB/gyne clinical rotation exams. Kind of random, yes? I'd gotten a flyer about it in my New Patient folder from my doctor's office several months ago. It said they were looking for women in the 24-36 weeks range, so I had kind of forgotten about it until recently. I happened to come across it in my "things-to-research-before-baby" file a couple weeks ago and realized I was now in range they wanted. I called and it turned out they still needed patients for last Friday's exam, so I said I'd do it! It was perfect timing too because work was kind of slow last Friday and a lot of people were out for a conference. And the clinical education center was just down the block from my office, so I was able to walk over for a few hours in the afternoon for the exam. 

There were 4 of us OB patients (and I think 4 gyne patients too, but we didn't really interact with them). We each had our own mock exam room that looked just like a regular doctor's office, except that it was bugged with microphones and cameras and speakers. The students came in one at a time (I saw a total of 6 over the course of the exam) and were given fake charts on us that had fake dates for last menstrual period and due date. We had also been coached by the patient coordinators about what to say and how to answer questions. Each student was supposed to ask the standard questions about bleeding/spotting, contractions, fluid leakage, and fetal movement. Then they were supposed to measure the height of the uterus and find the heart beat using a Doppler. The idea behind the fake dates was that when they measured us, we were supposed to be bigger than what they would expect based on the dates. For instance, my fake chart said I was 25 weeks, so if they measured me at 30.5 cm (which is what one of the instructors had measured me as officially), they would then be prompted to ask more questions and also counsel me about diabetes screening and other testing to see why I was measuring bigger. In the event that they didn't measure correctly, we each had a card with our correct measurement that we were supposed to show them so that they would still be prompted to talk about testing, etc. 

It was a very interesting experience! Most of the students did great with asking questions and finding the heart beat. None of them actually got my measurement exactly right, but a few came pretty close or at least still measured me bigger than 25 weeks. And all but one seemed to figure out what to do when I showed them the card. The clinical instructors and evaluators watched everything on camera from another room and were grading the students on their clinical knowledge and skills. When time was called and the student left the room, we (the OB patients) had to fill out an evaluation form about the exam, including any suggestions we might have for further improvement from a patient's perspective. I tried to be very thorough in my evaluations and wrote lots of comments. I gave most of them a rating great (A) or very good (B). There was just one that I rated a C. She was kind of rushed, sighed frequently (and heavily), fidgeted with her clipboard a lot, and used mostly medical jargon with very little explanation of what it all meant. She was also a bit rough with the measurement part. I wrote a lot of comments on her form :)

Overall though, it was actually kind of fun. I work in the medical field and I'm around med students and residents and fellows all the time. It takes both knowledge and people skills to make a good doctor, and  I enjoyed the opportunity to help educate these future doctors a bit. Oh, and the food was really good! Not gonna lie, when they said there was a free lunch involved, I was all about it. Ha! They have another test coming up, so depending on when it falls with respect to how far along I am, I may do it again in December. 

Saturday we had our breastfeeding class at the hospital in the afternoon. It was very informative and the instructor was quite entertaining and put a funny spin on everything. Even Paul said he actually enjoyed the class! I think he was just glad to see there were lots of other dads there too :) I'm going to take one more class in February, after the baby is born (they say you can bring the baby with you to it). That one will be focused more on pumping and the logistics of going back to work. This class was more of an overview and a "how-to" of breastfeeding. I definitely feel like we learned some good stuff and I'm feeling more prepared to give it my best shot! 

Speaking of breastfeeding (this might be TMI so sorry if it is!)... The instructor mentioned that somewhere around 22 weeks is when most women start to produce colostrum. She said if we went into the bathroom and gave ourselves a little squeeze, most of us would see a few droplets of it on the nipple. She wasn't necessarily encouraging us to try that, and in fact, too much, ahem... nipple stimulation, can release oxytocin which can in turn cause contractions. She meant it more as an interesting fact I think. Anyway, yesterday I was sorting laundry and happened to look at the inside of one of my black bras and saw a whitish spot on the inside of each cup about where the nipple would be. I wondered if I was leaking already? So I gave myself a little squeeze... AND SOMETHING CAME OUT! Ahhhh! So weird! And then I had another "THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!!" moment. 

Sorry for the TMI and overuse of "breast" and "nipple" (can you tell I used to work in a breast cancer clinic?). But after months/years of frustration that my body wasn't doing what it was supposedly programmed by nature to do, I'm kind of ridiculously excited that at least for now, it seems to be on track for doing things correctly when Flash gets here. How crazy is that!??!?

Holy COW!

Today, I have consumed the following:

1. 1 yogurt + banana + juice smoothie
2. 1 dark chocolate cherry Kashi bar
3. 1 very decadent chocolate cupcake (complete with saved chocolate sprinkles)
4. 2 servings of salad
5. 1 breadstick
6. 1 serving of alfredo bowtie pasta
7. 1 serving of manicotti with meat sauce
8. 3 slices of flatbread pizza
9. 1 1/2 (large) macadamia nut cookies
10. 2 lemon bars
11. 5-6 handfuls tropical-flavored Nerds
12. Almost an entire basket of tortilla chips (with salsa)
13. Half a platter of frijoles con queso
14. 2 1/2 cheese enchiladas with mole sauce
15. 1 serving beans
16. 1 virgin peach daquiri

Yikes. Apparently, Flash was hungry today...

Ugh

Bad news comes in three's, right? If so, then hopefully that means I won't get any more for a long time. I'm fine and the baby is fine. Fortunately, none of the bad news has anything to do with the pregnancy. Aside from that, this week has been a triple-whammy...

Actually, it started last Friday/Saturday. We had driven my new car to Indiana to visit my aunt and uncle. I drove it in to work Friday morning, Paul took a train downtown to meet me that afternoon, and we hit the road. It was dark when we got to their house and unloaded our stuff, so we didn't see it until Saturday morning. Someone had hit my car. In the garage at work on Friday. Someone freaking hit my brand new car (the ONLY brand new car I've ever owned, mind you) less than a week after we signed the forms to buy it. And obviously, they didn't bother to leave a note. Ugh. And unfortunately, we will have to get it fixed sooner rather than later because the dealership can't apply the inside/outside sealant/protectant stuff (that we already purchased as part of a package deal) until the scratches are removed and the bumper re-painted. Plus winter is coming, which means snow, which means nasty road salt that could further damage the paint in this condition (hence why we purchased the sealant package). Ugh. So this week has been spent filing a police report and trying to get an estimate on the damage so we can figure out whether or not it is worth filing an insurance claim for it. If it is less than our deductible (which it probably will be) then we won't bother with the claim. But even if it is over, we'll still have to pay the deductible. So either way, that's probably going to have to go on a credit card. Ugh.

Then we got bad news about Paul's contract at work. It's been in negotiations for most of this year and they still haven't reached a deal, but we had been told they were getting close. There was a big meeting last Thursday between the two sides and it was supposed to be the final review and then everyone was going to sign off on it. Paul had gotten a shift trade for the day after the meeting so we could head to Indiana, so he didn't find out until Monday this week, but apparently the meeting was a disaster and nothing got finalized or signed. And now, because that was the last round of attempted negotiations, it has to go to an arbitrator. Ugh. Thankfully, none of this means that he is going to be out a job or anything like that. The problem, however, is that he still hasn't gotten the raise that he was supposed to get back in June when the previous contract's term expired. We've been doing fine without it, but the hope had been for the raise to go into effect (along with retro-pay for the months since June) by the end of this year. You know, before I go on leave for 12 weeks (half of which will be unpaid). And since the whole buying-a-new-car thing happened unexpectedly, we were really going to be counting on that to help out with some other expenses (such as repairing the roof), not to mention Christmas and baby stuff. We'll be okay, and I'm sure we'll figure out ways to make things work without it. But it's just bad timing and it worries me to not have much set aside for whatever the next emergency might be. I hate money stuff. Ugh.

But the worst news of all has to be the news we got yesterday about my father-in-law. Apparently, he was told this week, out of nowhere, that his job is ending effect December 31. They are 'eliminating' his position due to 'budget cuts.' My FIL has worked for the same place for nearly 50 years. I'm not even kidding when I say that he pretty much IS that place. He knows everything about it and has helped build it over the years. And the real kicker is he probably would have been retiring maybe as soon as next year. In fact, he might already have retired if it weren't for the economy. But no, they aren't even giving him the chance to do that. They just swooped in and blindsided him with this nonsense about budget cuts. They wouldn't even be making a profit there if it weren't for him!!! Ugh. So now, my FIL is angry and depressed (understandably) and my MIL is freaking out (to say the least) and no one knows what's going to happen next. Meanwhile, my poor husband is trying to figure out what to say to his dad (I mean really, what do you say to that?) and also having to deal with calming his mom down (she pretty much turns into a basket case in any kind of crisis situation). His sister isn't really on speaking terms with the family right now, and even if she were, she's in a whole mess of trouble herself and is quite a big younger, so she really wouldn't be much help. Ugh.

So today, my MIL called Paul and asked what we were doing for Thanksgiving. Well, we're going down to spend the holiday with my family since it will be the last time I'm allowed to travel and won't get to see any of them at Christmas. This has been the plan for months now, and we've told her this several times, and up until recently she and my FIL were supposed to be going on a road trip and were going to be gone over Thanksgiving anyway. But now she wants to do Thanksgiving with us because she thinks it will cheer my FIL up (which I understand... to an extent) but of course she doesn't remember that we've already discussed the plans several times. Nor does she remember that we've pointed out (also several times) that we're going to spend all of Christmas with them and some of Paul's extended family that live close by. Instead, Paul has to be the bad guy and remind her that we're going out of town for Thanksgiving. So now it looks like we're somehow ditching them in the midst of this crisis with my FIL's job and leaving them to sit at home and be sad and lonely. Ugh. Paul insists that she didn't seem mad when he reminded her of our plans, but I'm skeptical. She tends to get kind of crabby about this stuff. In fact, a couple of years ago she accused us of never spending a holiday with them and always choosing my family over them. Nevermind that we had just spent the previous Thanksgiving with them AND were planning to leave my family's Christmas day get together before dinner to drive back and see them Christmas evening that year.

Ugh. I feel terrible about my FIL and that whole situation. But I'm also dreading the family drama that will likely now ensue. I just don't have the energy for this. This is supposed to be a happy, joyous time. The holidays are approaching, we're having a baby soon. These are happy things! I don't want to be distracted from that with drama and guilt trips and money stress and more drama. Is that a reasonable thing to want? Ugh.

Sorry for writing such a negative post. I just needed to get this all out somewhere that it won't hurt anyone. I don't want to re-hash it all with Paul again. I can rant to my mom about most of it, but my parents have their own money issues to worry about and I feel weird complaining to her about my MIL. B is out of town right now and I feel ridiculous telling people at work about this stuff when many of them don't even own cars and/or aren't married. Besides which, work is busy and stressful enough on its own and I need to just concentrate on getting stuff done there. So here I come to rant and rave and whine and complain. And now I'm starting to get on my own nerves, so it is time to stop. Ugh. That is all...

   

30 Weeks & Counting

Today I am 30 weeks and 2 days. That's just insane! We are going to have a baby in approximately 10 weeks (give or take). It feels like this pregnancy is flying by now, and I really want to try to enjoy the time we have left. Yes, of course, I'm looking forward to what comes next. After all, that is the end goal of this whole endeavor. But I'm just not in a hurry to reach the destination without appreciating the journey. I realize not everyone enjoys being pregnant, and I wouldn't go so far as to say that I love being pregnant. But I don't hate it. Would I like to have my regular body back and be able to eat/drink whatever and go to sleep without fear of insomnia and/or reflux? Sure. But I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy watching my belly expand and move with the baby. I love feeling the kicks and jabs and knowing what they represent. I much prefer discussing due dates and gender guessing to dodging nosy questions about when I was going to "hurry up and have some kids."

And at the end of the day, I just don't know whether I'll get the chance to be pregnant again or not. We have frozen embryos still, and we will attempt to use those. But they might not work. And if they don't, I'm not certain I'd be willing to put myself (and my husband AND this baby) through IVF again or not. Honestly, the IVF was worse than pregnancy has been by far, at least for me. That is somewhat due to the fact that I developed pretty severe OHSS from the IVF. And I know I've had a relatively easy pregnancy, compared to many others. Nevertheless, I don't know what will happen in the future and I want to enjoy this stage as much as I can while it lasts.

I'm very much looking forward to things slowing down a bit around here. Both September and October were very full months with lots of extra stuff going on outside of work and nursery projects. A lot of it was good stuff, and some was not (like having to buy a new car all of a sudden). But even good stuff can start to feel stressful when there's too much going on and all you really want to do is sit down and breathe. This past weekend we went to visit my aunt and uncle in Indiana. I kind of didn't want to go because last week was so rushed and crazy, but I'm glad we did. We had a really nice time with my family and actually ended up getting a lot done on Saturday.

My aunt took us "Amish country" shopping and we got some stuff for the nursery (a little side table, a wall shelf, some Noah's Ark stuff), a few knickknacks and collectibles that we are always on the lookout for in antique stores, and some Christmas gifts for people (including something for my father-in-law, who is incredibly difficult to shop for!). Later that afternoon, we left the guys at home to nap/watch football and went fabric shopping. We picked out fabric for her to make us a crib skirt and a baby quilt/blanket. My aunt does really amazing quilting work, so I'm super excited to see the finished product(s). And it was great having her and my cousin to help, since I know pretty much nothing about buying fabric, etc. That evening, my aunt and Paul went through a stack of old t-shirts from his camp days and discussed plans for a camp-themed t-shirt quilt she is going to make for him. Meanwhile, she gave me a stack of quilting magazines to look through and pick out the styles that I liked for the baby quilt. We got back yesterday late afternoon/early evening and were able to have a few hours at home to just chill with the dogs and catch up on our DVR shows, which was nice.

I'm not a fan of the end of daylight savings time. I dread the time change every fall. It doesn't really matter to me that it gets light earlier in the mornings now because A) it's still dark when I have to get up, and B) I would MUCH rather drive in to work in the dark than have it be dark before I even leave my office at the end of the day. Ugh. Anyway, I'm hoping this week won't be as bad as the last few in terms of running around. I need to get a lot done at work this week so I'm hoping to get in relatively early each day and then be able to leave early-ish (or at least on time). I do have my next OB check-up later this morning, but that should be quick (I hope). Paul works this whole weekend but is supposed to get coverage for a few hours on Saturday afternoon so we can go in to this breastfeeding class I signed up for at the hospital. I've heard really good things about this one, so I'm looking forward to it. Paul is probably a little less enthused, but everyone says it is important for the husbands to tag along because there's stuff for them to learn/understand too, so we'll see.

Well, this post has dragged on longer than I first intended, so I think I'll wrap it up. I have a few other thoughts bouncing around in my brain to write about, but I will save those for future posts!